Attributes of God

I am so very thankful for my study of Daniel (Beth Moore) this spring. I have always known the story of the lions den but never in such depth. Bear with me as I try to explain what I am learning. I do not do it justice as my words seem futile. I have never been proficient with my words. Quite simple. I wish I payed more attention in English class in high school and college. Oh well, you get the country bumpkin version.

The video session I just completed this week was the lions den story. It showed how Daniel (about to be thrown into the den) reacted to the emergency situation. He prayed! Ok, there are 3 ways that Beth Moore describes how each of us can react in an emergency type situation.
1. We can panic.
2. We can become paralyzed.
3. We can pray.

Prayer does not come naturally. It is a relationship through Jesus that you would then talk to him. He desires us to be in relationship with him. He is waiting. I have to be honest. When I got the call from Dr. Sanders about the growth in my brain on November 1 and then driving to see Dr. Forget, neurosurgeon I did a panic prayer (if there is such a thing). I did #1 & #3. As I was thinking the session over yesterday I really wanted to find attributes of God written somewhere. He is love. I knew that due to the fact that it was his love that brought me through the darkest times. Many more came to mind but I wanted to share them with explanation to you today. Stick with me here. At the end I want you to read about fiery trials.
http://www.allaboutgod.com/attributes-of-god-2.htm

Attributes of God – The Meaning
"What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us." So says A.W. Tozer in his classic book on the attributes of God, The Knowledge of the Holy. Why would he make such an extreme pronouncement? Tozer goes on to say, "Man’s spiritual history will positively demonstrate that no religion has ever been greater than its idea of God. Worship is pure or base as the worshipper entertains high or low thoughts of God." In our hearts we know the above is true. It is not enough to follow "god." That word has come to mean so many different things today that it actually means very little. If we just make up our own minds concerning what He is like, then we are just creating an idol in our heads.

Attributes of God – The Characteristics
Wisdom: "Wisdom is the ability to devise perfect ends and to achieve these ends by the most perfect means." In other words, God makes no mistakes. He is the Father who truly knows best, as Paul explains in Romans 11:33: "Oh, how great are God’s riches and wisdom and knowledge! How impossible it is for us to understand His decisions and His ways!"

Infinitude: God knows no boundaries. He is without measure. This attribute by definition impacts all of the others. Since God is infinite, everything else about Him must also be infinite.

Sovereignty: This is "the attribute by which He rules His entire creation." It is the application of His other attributes of being all-knowing and all-powerful. It makes Him absolutely free to do what He knows to be best. God is in control of everything that happens. Man still has a free will, and is responsible for his choices in life.

Holiness: This is the attribute that sets God apart from all other created beings. It refers to His majesty and His perfect moral purity. There is absolutely no sin or evil thought in God at all. His holiness is the definition of that which is pure and righteous in all the universe. Wherever God has appeared, such as to Moses at the burning bush, that place becomes holy just for God having been there.

Trinity: Though the actual word is not used in the Bible, the truth of God revealing Himself in three persons is included. The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are all called God, given worship as God, exist eternally, and are involved in doing things only God could do. Although, God reveals Himself in three persons, God is One and cannot be divided. All are involved completely whenever One of the Three is active.

Omniscience: "God possesses perfect knowledge and therefore has no need to learn. God has never learned and cannot learn." Omniscience means all-knowing. God knows everything, and His knowledge is infinite. It is impossible to hide anything from God.

Faithfulness: Everything that God has promised will come to pass. His faithfulness guarantees this fact. He does not lie. What He has said in the Bible about Himself is true. Jesus even said that He is the Truth. This is extremely important for the followers of Jesus because it is on His faithfulness that our hope of eternal life rests. He will honor His promise that our sins will be forgiven and that we will live forever with Him.

Love: Love is such an important part of God’s character that the apostle John wrote, "God is love." This means that God holds the well-being of others as His primary concern. For a full definition of love, read 1 Corinthians 13. To see love in action, study the life of Jesus. His sacrifice on the cross for the sins of others is the ultimate act of love. God’s love is not a love of emotion but of action. His love gives freely to the object of its affection, those who choose to follow His son Jesus.

Omnipotence: Literally this word means all-powerful. Since God is infinite and since He possesses power, He possesses infinite power. He does allow His creatures to have some power, but this in no way diminishes His own. "He expends no energy that must be replenished." When the Bible says God rested on the seventh day, it was to set an example for us and our need for rest, not because He was tired.

Self-existence: When Moses asked who he was talking to in the burning bush, God said, "I AM THE ONE WHO ALWAYS IS." God has no beginning or end. He just exists. Nothing else in all the universe is self-caused. Only God. In fact, if anything else had created Him, that thing would be God. This is a difficult concept for our minds since everything else we will ever encounter comes from something other than itself. The Bible says, "In the beginning, God." He was already there.

Self-sufficiency: The Bible says that God has life in Himself (see John 5:26). All other life in the universe is a gift from God. He has no needs and there is no way He can improve. To God, nothing else is necessary. He does not need our help with anything, but because of His grace and love, He allows us to be a part of advancing His plan on earth and being a blessing to others. We are the ones who change, but never God. He is self-sufficient.

Justice: The Bible says that God is just, but it is His character that defines what being just really is. He does not conform to some outside criteria. Being just brings moral equity to everyone. When there are evil acts, justice demands there be a penalty. Since God is perfect and has never done evil, no penalty would ever be necessary; however, because of His love, God paid the penalty for our evil deeds by going to the cross Himself. His justice needed to be satisfied, but He took care of it for all who will believe in Jesus.

Immutability: This simply means that God never changes. It is why the Bible says, "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever."

Mercy: "Mercy is the attribute of God which disposes Him to be actively compassionate." Since God’s justice is satisfied in Jesus, He is free to show mercy to all those who have chosen to follow Him. It will never end since it is a part of God’s nature. Mercy is the way He desires to relate to mankind, and He does so unless the person chooses to despise or ignore God at which time His justice becomes the prominent attribute.

Eternal: In some ways, this fact about God is similar to His self-existence. God always has been and will forever be, because God dwells in eternity. Time is His creation. It is why God can see the end from the beginning, and why He is never surprised by anything. If He were not eternal, God’s promise of eternal life for those who follow Jesus would have little value.

Goodness: "The goodness of God is that which disposes Him to be kind, cordial, benevolent, and full of good will toward men." This attribute of God is why He bestows all the blessing He does on His followers. God’s actions define what goodness is, and we can easily see it in the way Jesus related to the people around Him.

Gracious: God enjoys giving great gifts to those who love Him, even when they do not deserve it. Grace is the way we describe that inclination. Jesus Christ is the channel through which His grace moves. The Bible says, "The law was given by Moses, but grace and truth came by Jesus Christ."

Omnipresence: This theological term means "always present." Since God is infinite, His being knows no boundaries. So, clearly He is everywhere. This truth is taught throughout the Bible as the phrase "I am with you always" is repeated 22 times in both the Old and New Testaments. These were even Jesus’ words of assurance just after giving the challenge to His disciples to take His message to the entire world. This is certainly a comforting truth for all who follow Jesus.
By learning the attributes of God, you may praise God for who He really is and for how each of His attributes impacts your life in a positive way.

I loved giving you God's attributes. Isn't it wonderful. Just excited to share it with you.

Going backwards in my study I also wanted to share 3 different scenarios when people of God face a fiery trial. (Shadrach, Meshack & Abendego) I am in hopes that I am scenario B. Pray boldly with scripture for scenario B. 50 years to be exact. He is able.

A. We can be delivered from the fire. Dividend? Our faith is built.
B. We can be delivered through the fire. Dividend? Our faith is refined.
C. We can be delivered by the fire straight into His arms. Dividend? Our faith is perfected.

I do hope you see the love of God in all of this cancer trial. He loves you so much. I am living proof of his great love and concern. He has healed me. Not of cancer yet but of some long standing strongholds in my life. He is burning the fake out of me. Which is good very good.

Pray that I will be delivered from the lions mouth (cancer).

Brain Cancer is Expensive

If you've been following this blog for a while you realize that brain cancer is a life-changing experience. We've experienced physical suffering, roller-coaster emotions, spiritual testing, marital testing, parental testing, dependence on others for daily needs, mental challenges, and tough decisions. Now it's time to add another aspect to the brain cancer experience - the financial aspect.

Brain cancer isn't cheap. After insurance, we are still going to have to shell out several thousand dollars per year (deductibles, coinsurance, copayments, prescriptions, other uninsured medical expenses, etc), not including the additional costs of trying to maintain a healthy diet (it's really sad that we have to pay more to eat correctly).

The Lord has so richly blessed us and we know He will continue to do so. We received several monetary gifts that will take care of our portion of last year's medical expenses for Kate's surgery and hospital stay (Thank You and Praise God). However, our health insurance plan "resets" at the beginning of every calendar year, so now we are faced with a new set of bills from the radiation treatments and doctor visits. Also, Kate will require MRI scans every 3 months for years to come, of which we'll have to pick up most of the cost.

God isn't worried about these bills, so we shouldn't be either. We recognize that He owns everything in the universe, including what we think is "ours". However, we do know that He wants us to pray about our financial needs, and we ask that you would be praying for them as well. We'll keep you posted as to how God answers this need.

Praise God from Whom all Blessings Flow,

Dave

Everything is Meaningless

We've been studying the book of Ecclesiastes in church for the past few weeks and today was the final sermon. It's been several years since we last studied it. It's such a good book and it's truth smacks you in the face with what is really important in life. Something we regularly need to be reminded of.

If you're not familiar with it, the writer of the book of Ecclesiastes, King Solomon, considers what in life is meaningful and worthwhile, based on his own pursuits and observations. He considers education, pleasures, folly, work, achievement, advancement, and riches. He comes to the conclusion that the pursuit of these things, in and of themselves, is meaningless (vanity).

It seems that we spend so much time in life pursuing these things, like they really matter, only to realize that when we have them, they never really satisfied our deepest desires. Then, we perpetually want more and it becomes a vicious cycle.

What then is meaningful in life? The writer concludes:

"Now all has been heard;
here is the conclusion of the matter:
Fear God and keep his commandments,
for this is the whole duty of man.
For God will bring every deed into judgement,
including every hidden thing,
whether it is good or evil." (Eccl. 12:13-14)

This book was a good reminder that we need to be living every aspect of our lives for the glory of God, through faith in Jesus Christ. Nothing else truly matters. Brain cancer has helped put that into focus.

We struggle with this at times but take comfort to know that the Lord guides and helps us along the way. Praise Him for His goodness.

Dave

Belief Tree

At the beginning of finding out that I had brain cancer I thought . . . "I am definitely not ready for this trial." I am not girded up. I was reading all the blog comments with Scripture that people were sending and knew without a doubt that I would not have been able to send such comments to someone in need. I also knew that I was somewhat like dry bones. I was on a downward spiral of a big complaining spirit. I even told some friends about how I was like dry bones. Fear is normal. What I continue to do with fear is a choice.

Last week a dear gal in my Bible study gave an excellent description on how we are like trees. The roots are what we believe, truth or lies. The trunk is our values or wants. Branches make up our decision. The fruit is displayed in our actions, emotions, attitudes and relationships. Hope it challenges you like it did me.

The roots of the tree represent what you believe. Your roots don’t determine your values but they do determine how you choose to pursue your values. What you believe about God, yourself, and others affect your values, decisions, and actions. You will either draw from truth or lies. Truth comes from God-the Author of life. Believing truth results in life.

Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness. Colossians 2:7
Lies come from believing Satan and the world. Satan tries to plant lies in your life through what you see, hear, and experience in the world.

…He (Satan) has always hated the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, it is consistent with his character; for he is a liar and the father of lies. John 8:44
Believing lies causes you to doubt what God says. See Romans 1:28-29

Lies about God - Instead of believing that God is good, He cares for you, He desires a close relationship with you, and He loves you unconditionally, you might believe a lie regarding His character.

Lies about Yourself - Instead of believing God loves you and you are accepted by Him, you may believe lies such as you are unloved or a failure. You may believe the labels or input from the world…

Lies about Others - Everyone is loved by God and is valuable to Him. God’s desire is for you to love people and pray that His plan will be accomplished in their lives. However you may believes lies…they are inferior, out to get you, will never change, etc.

TRUNK

Why did you decide to do what you did? What motivates your decisions?
The branches on a tree are attached to the trunk. The trunk of the tree represents the values or wants. They typical values someone might have are to be loved, accepted, significant or safe. People are created with needs but they tend to value the ones they haven’t consistently received. What you deeply value or want influences what you decide. Your values or wants may not be evil but the way you seek to satisfy them can be. God created you and only He is able to provide what you truly want and need. But if you do not believe He can or will provide what you need, you will attempt to provide for yourself. …

Yet you don’t have what you want because you don’t ask God for it. And even when you ask, you don’t get it because your motives are all wrong—you want only what will give you pleasure. James 4:2-3 NLT

God has a better plan but you will miss out on it by trying to meet your own needs.
…Cursed are those who put their trust in mere humans, who rely on human strength and turn their hearts away from the Lord. They are like stunted shrubs in the desert, with no hope for the future. They will live in the barren wilderness, in an uninhabited salty land. Jeremiah 17:5-6

BRANCHES

The branches represent your decisions. Choosing to follow the Spirit or the flesh produces a crop. Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.

FRUIT

Using this analogy, your actions, emotions, attitudes, and the condition of your relationships are the fruit. People who believe what the Lord says are like a flourishing tree producing good fruit.

"But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that send out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit." Jeremiah 17:7-8

If controlled by God’s Holy Spirit, your fruit will be good. (See Galatians 5:22-23)
If being controlled by your flesh, your fruit will be bad. (See Galatians 5:19-21)

Bad fruit includes:

• Negative actions (rage, addictions, sexual immorality, lying, profanity)
• Negative emotions (fear, anxiety, shame, unrelenting grief)
• Negative attitudes (complaining, unforgiveness, greed, prejudice)
• Negative relationships (abusive or broken)
  
  Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy think about such things. Philippians 4:8
  

What you believe determines how you behave.

Your life can be a fruit tree.

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Under the pine

The snow has not fully melted which is great! The older boys did not have school today. After a fun morning at Chuck E Cheese (not one of my favorite places) we came home to put Stuart to bed. Gram came to stay at the house so I could take the boys sledding. It was so much fun! I haven't gone on the Missouri mini mini slopes since last year.

We went down some hills that Dave had taken them to previously. I then in my adventure to find a greater hill took the boys on a walk. We did find a better one that had a dip then went further down. There were some pines scattered among the dip. Cole went first then Carter snowboarded - Big Mama brought in the rear on the round orange sled. I went down quite fast turning backwards. Low and behold I ran into the pine. I was under the pine really. The boys didn't know if they could laugh. I was in shock so I didn't say anything for a long few seconds. Cole was concerned. He said "Mom . . . (long pause) are you ok?" I started to laugh. I couldn't believe I was stuck under the tree. They had to help me out due to my legs being up near my chest and the slick snow was hard to fanangle out of being the underside of the tree. Comical. It was good to laugh with them. Good memories!

Wanting lots more snow - kate

Lovin' being a mom

Tonight after a Valentine tradition by candle light of chocolate molten lava cakes, (chocolate oozes out like a volcano) real whip cream and rasberries Cole gave Carter a homemade valentine that he made at school and he also gave one to Dave and I. It was so precious to read what he put. I will be saving that one in his baby book. He cut out a heart for the middle then tie dyed a coffee filter to put in the hollow heart. The best part was seeing his handwriting and his thoughtful words.

Carter after kissing and tucking him in bed explianed that next year he wants to make a Valentine for me saying "You're a mom that can't be beat". He then said he would draw some boxing gloves on the front. I was so very touched by his boyish way of making a valentine. His neck is getting better. The doctor said that it is most likely a virus just watch out for a fever and a stiff neck. Glad to not take him in and pay a $30 co pay for just a virus.

Stuart is now officially in a big boy bed. His naps are a little shorter but he does sleep through the night so far. We are going on day 2.

I love being a mom. Their words and actions are the best. I wouldn't trade this job for the world. I am blessed to be able stay at home. The best Valentine present of all is being with my children and Dave.

I still take a nap every day. Dr. Simpson said that the effects of radiation will probably last 4 -6 weeks out. I also continue to wake at 5 am. I would like to wake at 6 when the actual alarm goes off. My head does ache at times but Dr. Forget (neurosurgeon) said that when my nerves are growing back together I will be feeling some sharp pains. It is to be expected. The burning sensation of radiation is inside as well.

The boys loved their lava cakes! It definitely is a great boy dessert. Volcanos - need I say more?
Kate

I Love You Day

Just wanted to share some love scripture to you as it speaks to me. It was His love to me that has carried me through my most darkest moments especially when I was in the pit.

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

As a young man marries a maiden, so will your sons marry you; as a bridegroom rejoices over his brides, so will you God rejoice over you. Isaiah 62:5

The Lord appreared to us in the past, saying: "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness." Jeremiah 31:3

May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word. 2 Thessalonians 2: 16 - 17

"The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17

But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions - it is by grace you have been saved. And God raises us up with Christ and seated with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. Ephesians 2:4-7

This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for] our sins. 1 John 4:10

No, the Father himself loves you because you have loved me and have believed that I came from God. John 16:27

I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me. John 17:23

And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. 1 John 4:16

We love because he first loved us. 1 John 4:19

May it bless your heart like it has blessed mine. Praise: Dave & I are feeling better. Stuart is still trying to get over his sickness. Pray for his healing. He is happy, eating well and sleeping though. Carter on the other hand has had a sore neck for a couple days. I think it is a virus that has settled in the neck. I will probably make a call to the peds office to see what to do if anything. He was up at 5:15 this morning.

Sickly & Fears

At our home Daddy, Stuart & Mommy have officially been marked as having colds. Stuart being the worst. Daddy did not get much sleep in San Francisco so in turn - it turned out to give his immune system a big hit once home. Carter woke up at 2:30 this morning with severe abdominal cramping. Mommy had sick patrol while Daddy slept. She did call the doctor's exchange due to the scare we had 3 Christmas' ago with possible appendicitis. Yes on actual Christmas day with Carter in the ER. No fun! It turns out that the cramping did subside after 1 and 1/2 hours. Thankfully! Today he is wild and wolly and full of fleas. (as my grandma would say) Mommy stomach is not well also. Oh well. I am grateful this did not come last week or the last few months.

On another note Facing the Giants movie was great! I laughed. I cried. It moved me Bob! (for those of you who watch Veggie Tales) No really it was a good movie. I did have some crying bouts thinking about how I do want to be alive for my boys while they are on the courts, fields, and musical concerts, etc in High School. I am their biggest fan! I was a little sad thinking about how I might not be here for them in their high school years. The fear of them not having me is heightened more at times then others. I try to continually bring it before the Lord. This is such a hard task. Not knowing the future is difficult. Dave was good to remind me that none of us know our future. Yes, that is true except I have something that is staring me in the face every day. My love for the boys is so deep even while they are extremely loud & laughing behind me while I am typing this. Cole is in the toy box with the lid shut (there is an opening big enough to breathe) he is shooting a play gun at Carter.

Cole mentioned to soccer Gram the other night while I was away about how Mommy might know what heaven is like before any of them. She did not know what to say. She was so taken back by that comment before bedtime.

Pray for my emotions. This load is sometimes too heavy to think about what could happen in the future. I realize that the Lord loves them more than me. I also do realize none of us know when we will die. This is the fear I am struggling with that makes me cry. I am praying for 50 years of cancer free. March 2 is the MRI. Pray for no sign of growth. Pray also that I don't live in fear from MRI to MRI. I need to live my life along with my family.

I need to go back to the song / scripture that Cole sung to me right after surgery on our walk together.

When I am afraid,

I will trust in You,

In God, whose word I praise,

in God I trust; I will not be afraid.

Psalm 56:3 - 4a

Thank you for praying for my fears. kate

All done!

Today is crazy hair day at Covenant Christian School. It makes for a very fun day. They don't have to wear uniforms and Friday is hot lunch day as well. Cole decided to wear boxers on his head yes underwear. Carter spiked his hair and we spayed it blue. The following picture shows crazy hair then scary hair (that's me). I still haven't been able to make light of the hair loss. I am not sure if I ever will. The older boys do not like to see it as well. Hair is still coming out. No jokes are had about the lack of hair at our home. I am ultra sensitive but very thankful of the hair I do have that covers the enormous bald area along with the stylish bands.

Tonight we plan on having movie night once more as tradition holds. Last Friday we watched The Miracle Worker the story of Helen Keller in black & white. Even little Stu watched intently till he was summoned to bed. Good discussions are had with great movies! Tonight we will watch Facing the Giants. It is a movie of a football team. I don't really know too much about it.

Dave called me as I was parking the van at Siteman. He was boarding his plane and wanted to say hi before I went in for treatment. It was soo good to speak with him. I did tell him of the boys picking out my last song to listen to at radiation. It was by Sarah Groves - It's Gonna be Alright. It made me cry this morning in the van. Cole wanted to know why I was wiping my eyes. I told them both it is because I love them so. This is just such an emotional journey.

Thanks for listening and laughing with me Kim and Jessica, radiation therapists.

Officially the mask is home. Glad to have one treatment phase behind us. Pray that we make wise decisions in the weeks ahead.

All done with radiation! Kate

Last Day of RT! ! !

Well it is official today is the last day of radiation! I am elated! God has been so good to me throughout this one stage in the game.
There are some things I would appreciate some prayer for today.

Praises first
* Fatigue was not too bad.
* Burns on head were only like a sunburn.
* Never had to take steroids!
* No flu had come to the house during the RT.
* Soccer Gram's availability to watch Stuart the whole 3 months of treatment stuff.

Pray

1. Sleep in the night for me. I am waking up around 3 am then 5 am prior to the alarm going off at 6. I am fatigued due to the sleep issues. Praise though I am not as fatigued as they had anticipated.

2. Stuart is not feeling well. He took a long nap yesterday till 4 pm then after being awake for some time he wanted to go to bed at 5:30 pm before he ate some dinner. He did eat. He also did sleep through the night last night. His voice is scratchy and you can see it in his eyes that he is not feeling his normal self.

3. Safety for Dave. He is returning home from San Francisco today.

thanks again - Kate

Said my goodbyes to Joe

Yesterday after my Tuesday radiation treatment I went to the Hope Lodge to say goodbye to Joe. His daughter was there with him. We sat in his room and talked. I told him of what a blessing he was to me during this journey. He helped to make the time go by quicker. We all cried about the yuck of cancer and the loss they have had with both moms / wives. I also told his daughter of the funny stories he shared with me. She was the one who had a boyfriend that could hot wire a car. I jokingly asked her why was she with such a guy? That can only mean bad news. She smiled and said she could hot wire the car as well. Ok, well now! Joe had taught all of his kids how to not just maintain a car but the ins and outs. Where was Joe today when I needed to get into my locked van? It was hysterical site. After the cop unlocked the door the alarm sounded and wouldn't go off until I pressed it seemed like a million buttons. The cop said I jumped quite high. I was also laughing because of the people who were staring. I loudly proclaimed "Yes, I locked my keys in my car."

I am laughing about using the radiation mask as a chia pet plant container. Maybe I should grow it for Dr. Simpson. Wouldn't that be a stitch? I am sure he is glad to not see me on a weekly basis. I will see him next on March 7 along with Dr. Linette. Dr. Simpson wanted me to come at a later date but I told him my life does not revolve around Siteman Cancer Center.

Kate

Lacrimal duct to be restored

After seeing Dr. Simpson, radiation oncologist he confirmed that my tear duct (lacrimal) will restore itself. The resident doctor was unsure since the rays were so close to one another on the chart. If the rays are over 30 then my duct would be permanetly ruined. Dr. Simpson came in and said since my right eyebrows are still in tact the duct is just fine. He jokingly said radiation could barely sneeze on the duct and it would shrivel. It is that sensitive! I was so glad to hear that my duct will eventually be OK.

Continue to pray for my right eye. At times they are bothersome almost sore or painful. I really would like to not be blind in about three years on just that side or have cataracts.

Today was a good day even after locking my keys in the van at a local store. Hey, I can laugh at the days to come and that is good. It is just locked keys. The police officer wasn't able to push the seal back on the door correctly. Hopefully super Dave can get it back to the right place. Sorry Dave my mind was thinking about doing the returns not my keys.

Stuart awoke crying due to not feeling well. He has a raspy throat and a minor cough. Pray this is a quick "under the weather" thing. Praise - No fever and eating fine!

My skin is red like a sunburn- not bad though! My brain does have a burning sensation inside. Burn baby burn. (talkin to the possible leftover cancer)

2 treatments left.

I think I can

Well only 4 more treatments left. Just like in the book The Little Engine That Could, I am saying "I think I can." That is to make it to this Friday. The little engine had never been over the moutain yet he was willing to try.

The mesh mask doesn't move it is a hard plastic. As stated before my chin hardly can move. The therapists did say I can bring it home as a keepsake on Friday. Hip hip hooray! Where am I going to store that lovely mask? Should I put it in my living room on the mantle? I think not! I don't like to dust as it is. Really it might be a good tool in a different setting. I am not sure but it will be kept in maybe a box in the basement.

No more of being locked in like this . . .

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him for God is our refuge. Psalm 62:5 -8

Here are the Snodgrass superbowl fans! Notice that Carter & Cole made their own shirts. They were very proud. Yes, they are Dave's old t-shirts. The boys slept in them last night. Go Colts! That was the team the boys were rooting for. I think having Daddy growing up in that state made a big impact.

Tomorrow is Joe's last radiation treatment. A little bit of sadness for me. I think I will go over to the Hope Lodge after my 1:15 treatment to say goodbye. He mentioned to me last week of the great memories he has had at Siteman. I have to agree. Having Joe there has made the time more bearable for me. He has a doctors appointment on Wednesday so I know he is not departing ASAP like I would. If I had a jet plane that is how fast I would try to get home. I love you Siteman but not that much.

Dave is leaving for San Fran, CA tomorrow for a business trip. He will return on Celebration Friday. (Maybe a fun gift will be coming home with him. Valentines day is just around the corner. Hint hint sweetheart. I know . . . our money is going towards the ever incoming bills.) Soccer Gram & I will be holding down the fort. It is quite nice that Dave's company has him going during this freezing cold Missouri spell. I wish he could pack me. I have lost weight with all the change in my diet. I think I could fit. Snow is the only thing that would make it better. Snow on the weekend that is - for Carter snowboarding and Cole sledding. Mommy too!

Bought a bouqet of pink roses for myself today. Only $2.99 at Aldi's. What a deal!

Not just taking my hand but my heart

I am beginning to be thankful for the simple things about my body. Slowly I am being stripped of certain things. I am now looking forward to whatever hair grows back. Frankly I don't care what color and texture it will be - Just happy to have hair. I have much respect for breast cancer patients who have to lose all their hair. What agony. Also my right eye is frustrating. The dryness actually is a nuisance. It stings at times. I plan on asking if it will eventually be restored or has the RT fully fried it? My dream last night also showed me the blessing of having a having a durable vehicle. A vehicle is a blessing for that matter.

God has entered into my life to walk with me. He is not just taking my hand but my heart also on this cancer journey.

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. . . . I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him.

Ecclesiastes 3: 11 & 14

This afternoon will be watching the Superbowl game. The older boys yesterday made their own shirts for the celebration. Hopefully tomorrow I will have a great picture to post for you.

Here are the Snodgrass basketball pros.

Fun Pictures for all to see

Christmas morning fun with the red wagon!

If you have already read the previous post be sure to scroll down and look again. I added more pics. I am getting more savy with my computer skills and this blog. I have attached some others here for you to enjoy! I just now had time to down load the my Christmas images along with Thanksgiving. Go figure I guess I have had other things taking up my time.

Cowboy Cole riding a horse on Thanksgiving Day.

6 treatments to go!

Kate and her new friend Joe!

Joe allowed me to take a picture and put it on my blog. I told him I wanted to be sensitive to the patient privacy act. So for the record, I did get his permission to post this for you to see. No worries. He is pleased today for he got all but one stitch taken out of his eye yesterday. The one stitch left will eventually dissolve on its own. I also brought him some yummy mini bran muffins from home to enjoy. I told him our whole family loves them. He was looking forward to going to his home in Poplar Bluff for the weekend tomorrow.

OK, I was pleased but a little shocked to get a personal phone call from my primary care physican, Dr. Sanders tonight. I had called this afternoon and left a message in regards to my blood work that was taken yesterday. I was asking him for a good hematologist. His nurse had already called and left a message. My concern was in the PT (blood clotting) test performed. I personally asked for that test. As you might remember I am prone to blood clotting. Anyway the test showed some thinning of sorts. One comment on the sheet from the Barnes nurse was "Is the patient on coumadin?". Realizing that flax oil is a natural blood thinner and that I am taking folic acid daily I wanted to get some input. Dr. Sanders asked for the numbers and said for me to take it up with Dr. Linette. He said I think you have enough doctors to worry about and that an oncologist knows enough about the PT factor. Good enough! I joked with Dr. Sanders that he really missed me that is why he called personally. He just hasn't gotten enough attention on the blog lately. Ha ha ha! Really I am thrilled he is my doctor.

As for the redness on my head it hasn't gotten any worse. I have been using the aquaphor and also some emu oil. Never heard of the oil prior to now. Thanks to Carol Snodgrass. I think it is helping.

My dry eye is well . . . dry. When I wake in the morning I need to put in my artificial tears. Continue to pray for my vision and lens. If I were to go blind in the right eye it would happen in about 3 years.

Stuart had a great day! I had my mom drop off Stuart at the DesPeres Lodge pool for water wagglers. We played and "swam" from 10:30 - 11:45. It was a great spur of the moment thing. Only $4! I am trying to get him ready for our upcoming trip to sunny Floriday in April. He was so tired that he fell asleep on the way home from the pool. Liliana, do you want to join us next Thursday? Tell your mom to email me.

Here is Stuart saying "CHEESE"

Carter was bummed that the snow melted while he was in school all day. He is praying that the next snow is big and comes on a Friday night. He wants to snowboard. As for Cole, he is my big first grade reader. Tonight while cuddling on my favorite chair he read to me. I love spending that time with him.

Tonight Jill, a grade school friend brought us a meal. It was good to catch up and I was so surprised a few weeks ago when I saw that she was going to deliver a meal. I never thought this blog would connect the dots to her. Actually it is amazing who has heard through this blog about the cancer. It was good to catch up after many years. A lot of time was spent together. We went to Bible camp and many times she came to my home for Thanksgiving. She only had a brother while I come from a family of 4 other siblings. Lots of commotion and activity were had at the farmhouse. I think sometimes she lived at my home more than hers. Lots of fond memories!

Dave and I hope to go away for one night after radiation is completed to pray and discuss our two options. I am looking forward to a hotel with a pool. All in all it has been a great day. I can say that no matter what is to come I have learned that this cancer trial has taught me to live day to day. It really is too big for me to do anything else. I jokingly tell some that it took brain cancer for me to learn to depend on the Lord daily for my every need. Boy I am a work.

Only 6 treatments to go! Kate

No firm decision needs to be made

Well, the verdict is that the MRI is scheduled for Friday, March 2 in the morning. We are then to see Dr. Linette on Wednesday, March 7 to discuss the results. We do not need to make a decision about starting Temodar till at that time. He stated that it is highly unlikely that any growth would have occured by this next MRI. If it does we will know the severity of this tumor.

Our questions about Temodar were answered. We asked specifically if it would be just as effective to do the "wait and see if anything comes back" approach versus taking the Temodar right after the MRI. He agreed with us that the clinical studies that were done on my type of tumor were solely for the recurrent cancer patients. So in theory yes, the Temodar would work when & if the cancer returns.

Patients with my type of cancer that take the Temodar usually on average have the cancer return in about 3 to 4 years. Dr. Linette said that it was very positive that I had a great surgery to remove what Dr. Forget could see. Completing radiation is also to my benefit.

With or without chemo MRI's will be every 3 months or sooner if I exhibit any clinical neurologically signs. I will also have blood work every 3 months when I check in with Dr. Linette. If we do take the Temodar I will need blood work every month to monitor my bone marrow and many other things.

All in all Dave and I are pleased to not make a firm decision till after the MRI is complete. We are obviously praying that no signs of growth of any kind will show up on Friday, March 2.

7 more radiation treatments to go!
Kate

Sawdust and skulldust?

Today was a doozie of a day emotionally. I woke up melancholy to start my day. I am just a little disturbed by the redness above my eyebrow. It is not very noticeable to others. My frustration was that the hair loss was enough to tackle emotionally but now I get to have a good sunburn as well. God will be with me with a radiated sunburn as well as the hair loss. This is temporary.

My Bible study group this morning prayed specifically for my trial. I am thankful for them. I actually was discouraging them to pray for just me during the prayer time. I was a little uncomfortable to take all the time thinking that others have important issues going on as well. I was sobbing during most of the prayer. A friend Laura C. was out in the hallway after the prayer time. Thanks to her for allowing me to cry on her shoulder.

Dr. Simpson, radiation oncologist was able to see me today instead of tomorrow since it will already be a packed morning for me. I had some concerns regarding the redness, a nobby bump above my eye and the benefit of 30 treatments over 25. Yes, I tested the waters to see if I could even possibly stop this Friday. Of course, no lengthy discussion was had on that last issue. As for the redness he wasn't concerned. The nobby bump turns out to be saw dust of sorts. Dr. Simpson explained that during surgery when the saw was cutting my skull bone dust can scatter. The bump under the skin is most likely a skull dust of sorts. I am sure there is a cool medical term for it he just didn't give one. He just said "You know what sawdust is?" My comment was "Of course, I grew up on a farm." Who did he think I was some ding dong of a patient? Dr. Simpson is loosening up some. I was a little set back by him in the beginning. I jokingly told some that he is like a Goliath to me. Looking back he is not that bad just a little stiff. There is a softy behind that white lab coat. It is doing him some good to have me as a patient. A little lively discussion about things other than cancer are good. If I do say so myself.

As you know tomorrow is the doctor appointment with Dr. Linette my oncologist at 10:30. Dave & I should have a good grasp on many facets of the chemo concerns we have. Pray as the Lord leads. 9:30 is radiation then bloodwork. Please pray that a date will be set for the next MRI.

I was hoping to spend some time with Joe tomorrow. I guess it will have to wait until Thursday. The lab at Barnes is a little on the slow side. Not real prompt. I will have to go directly to the lab after RT. He told me on Monday that he didn't have such a great Sunday while with family. He stated he is a little depressed. I was sorry to hear that. I asked him about his eye and burns. He wasn't as concerned about them. Thankfully he is eating somewhat better than in the past week.

I better get to bed. My skulldust head needs some rest. - Kate

Go back to the way she was

Today I was tired after the radiation. After my grocery run to Whole Foods I came home and took a 1 1/2 hour nap while my sister played with Stuart. I also have had an upset stomach.

Tonight there is some redness above my right eyebrow. It is oval grid looking just like the plastic mask that is place upon me during radiation.

While reading this evening Carter was troubled by my hair loss. At night I usually tack up my hair to put on the aquaphor. A few days earlier both Cole and Carter were praying with Dave at bedtime. They asked "That mommy would get better and go back to the way she was before."
I have been crying tonight. This is an adjustment for all of us.

Pray that my redness does not worsen, the boys hearts and for my emotions. The next 9 treatments seem like an eternity away. I want to stop!

A little discouraged - Kate

Refined to the 10th degree

Earlier this week when looking for new headbands for my hair or lack of at a teenie bopper store, I had to try on the bands prior to the purchase. (Headbands are the "in" thing so I have been told. I have been going to the teenager stores in the mall to find them. The joke is that one clerk not long ago thought I was a college student. My mom and sister say that I mention that often. Hey why not, I am a 33 yo mom of 3 boys. A college student is looking good to me these days.) Anyway back to my story of a old mommy trying on headbands . . . I told the clerk sorry for "the bald head scar scare." She said it was Ok. Her mom had GBM brain cancer. I asked her how her mom is now. She said that she passed away. "I was sorry to hear that" was my response. Our conversation continued. After I asked permission to ask a personal question about her moms death she told me of how her body just shut down after a while and she was on hospice. Ok, that jolted me to think I might suffer a painful death in the near future. It was also a good reminder that any cancer brain or wherever can take over your whole body system. When I die, I want a quick death. Like I have any say in the matter. The more I think of it I don't know one person who would want to suffer a long painful death. I continue to struggle with the fact that as a young mom I do not want to leave this earth anytime soon. I love my life here on earth. I know that God loves my boys more than I could ever have it is just a difficult thought. I at one point I thought that I should possibly seek counsel on this. Dave and I discussed this at length on our Thursday eve date. The apostle Paul had a similar struggle of not leaving because his work was not done. Death is not natural. It wasn't the way God had intended. Knowing God is at work here and he is not done with me yet. I need to make the most of my time here NOW!

I have matured greatly over this ongoing trial. I didn't realize how immature I was in my faith and reliance on my holy God. It also has shown me that I really was living high on the hog latelywith no big concerns. I am convinced that not too many people in the United States truly know what suffering is. Some but not many. I also am thinking that my trial is not a huge suffering compared to other parts of the world. Prayer is so much more a part of my life. Scripture is alive. I have shared with you a little bit on the Daniel Bible study I am taking. Well, I only chose this study because of the video leader. Let me say I am being spanked with all the insight. Sorry, it is the only way I can best described my brokeness and how God is using this study to speak to me. Whoa, I have some maturing to do. I am listening that is for sure. Application, application, application. I am being refined to the 10th degree. I am sure there are more degrees to come. My bottom aka: heart & mind will be sore after this study is done. (you can laugh at this one!)

Every day I now have radiation at 9:30 am. On Tuesday it is at 1:15 pm.

Joe was discouraged during the later part of this week. His radiation burns are severe. His skin is raw. I ache to look at his burns. When bathing he can't even put a washcloth to it. Ouch! His shirt collar rubs on it to make it even worse. On a positive note, his eye looks good. As of Friday, he cannot open the right eye but whatever was placed below the eye is healing well. A little blood and bruising is all that I see. He has been eating more as well. Our conversation has been good. He finishes radiation I think 2 days before me. We both are counting down. I have 10 treatments left. I think he only has 8. I am glad he is my friend.

Thank you from my heart for praying for us. Dave and I would not be where we are without the faithful prayers of many. I know I have said it many times in the past few posts but it is worth repeating . . . pray for the 10:30 am oncologist visit Wednesday the 31st. I will have blood drawn prior to the visit. You and I both know this is a vitally important visit. It will shed some light on whether or not chemo should be taken 3 weeks after radiation. Dave and I have many questions to ask Dr. Linette. Please pray as the Lord leads. We can only ask that the Lord would guide this step as He has been so faithful to do thus far. Dave and I will hope to have some quiet time after Wednesday to make a sound decision. My mom is encouraging us to go away for the night at a hotel to pray and spend time together.

Have a great day! I am glad you are my friend too.

Lull

Dave and I have had a nice slow time lately. It is a lull in all the cancer rush. We were able to have a date last night to discuss all that has happened and is to come. We both concur that we have a peace. We will be meeting with Dr. Linette on Wednesday the 31st to discuss our options after the radiation. We see two options at this time.

1. Take the chemo after a 3 week break along with the natural compounds for an extended time.
2. Do a "wait and see" approach after every MRI along with taking the natural compunds. If the cancer is returning then start the chemo at that point. There will be much discussion with this on Wednesday. We want to know the effectiveness of the chemo a later date versus directly after the radiation. Hopefully there is some research in regards to this.

There have not been as many blogs due to the nice slow time. It was a nice needed break from all the rush decisions. I guess you could say - No news is great news!

Kate

12 Radiation treatments to go

I only have 12 radiation treatments to go! I am past the halfway point. February 9 is looking better and better each day. My head is a little sore, tender and has a burning sensation but it doesn't look red on the actual skin thankfully. I think the aquaphor ointment and being well hydrated is helping. I am taking more naps and sleeping well at night. I have a hard time getting out of bed in the morning. I think the radiation is the culprit. I am normally a morning person.

I heard from another Hope Lodge patient that Joe's eye surgery was good. He slept well last night and was up eating breakfast this morning. I was relieved to hear this news and wanted to pass it along to you. I hope to see him tomorrow after my treatment at 9:30.

Keep treckin' along
kate

2,000 hits a week

Every week there have been about 2,000 hits on the blog. Wow! If even half of them are praying bloggers that is great to say the least.

As I have contemplated all that has been and is happening since late October I am in awe. Almost cloudy at times. Words don't even come to me to be able to explain it to you.

Monday I was able to have some time with Joe while he and I were waiting for our treatments. We were discussing the job of parenthood. I was laughing at all the dad training responsibilities he spoke of. One in particular was when he sent one of his disobedient sons to his room. Later that evening Joe noticed that the son was climbing out of his window and down a tree to escape. Joe said nothing to his son. He went out later to saw down the tree. He fixed that! Later he said that the one son wasn't the only one using the tree as a way to leave the home. I told him "I guess you killed two birds with one stone." There was another story of his daughter and her car being taken away. He took the keys along with the wires to the car. Her boyfriend knew how to hot wire a car. Long story but quite amusing. Joe's eye surgery was this afternoon. He should be back at the Hope Lodge by 5 pm. I will not see him tomorrow at treatment because my treatment is at 8:45 am. Ouch! I will have to get up early to brave the lovely traffic.

Hey here is an added praise to the previous blog. . . Stuart is now officially going potty in the big boy potty! Yes, that is very exciting. Loud clapping on the toilet is quite fun for him.

Again do pray for the upcoming doctors appointment next Wednesday the 31st with Dr. Linette. We will be discussing my options for treatment after the radiation.

Kate

His faithfulness in answered prayer

Praise be to the name of God for ever and ever;

wisdom and power are his.

He changes times and seasons;

he sets up kings and deposes them.

He gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to the discerning.

He reveals deep and hidden things;

he knows what lies in darkness,

and light dwells with him.

I thank and praise you O God of my fathers:

You have given me wisdom and power,

you have made known to me what we asked of you,

You have made known to us the dream of the king.

Daniel 2:20-23

After doing my Bible study on Daniel today I wanted to share with you as many praises that have come forth with this journey. As Daniel 2 describes, he is asking for mercy from God of heaven to reaveal the mystery of Nebuchadnezzars dream. Daniel along with Hananiah, Mishael, Azariah (also known as Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego) prayed earnestly for mercy to reveal the mystery. That night after prayer the dream was revealed to Daniel. He immediately took time to praise God. The above verse tells of his praise. It shows Gods faithfulness. I have been lacking in praising God for answered prayer. Please join with me in this joy. Blog any praises you can think of. It is time for rejoicing even now!

1. Pre op - laughter prior to surgery - thank you Gene Moniz
2. The blackBerry - updates with scripture prior to pre op - Thanks to Dave's employer
3. Dr. Forget with his skilled hand - even MD Anderson Dr. Yung said it looked great on the MRI scan!
4. surgery - no severe side effects
5. surgery - lived through it
6. surgery - no blood clotting issues
7. great ICU staff at St. Johns especially Amy (cute stack haircut) (even with all the drugs I remember her haircut she was oh so kind and knew what to do - so on the ball . . . Many Thanks!)
8. post op - healed very quickly no infection
9. post op - drove almost 2 weeks later Wow! That is amazing after brain surgery.
10. A loyal husband, Dave - researches tirelessy and loves unconditionally
11. No flu or any sickness in the family - only a slight cold for Stuart in November
12. Safety for Dave & I and the boys while we were in Houston, TX
13. Radiation - no steroids or burns yet
14. My hair loss is not my main focus today
15. Not on chemo with the RT and it was OK'd by both oncologist and radiologist doctors
16. Other Siteman patients especially Joe
17. staff at radiology - therapists, Amy & Jessica - receptionist, Stefanie & Dot - nurse Deb & parking attendants, yes you with the braided hair
18. Health insurance
19. Dave's employment
20. This blog - thanks to Andy King
21. Friendship
22. Nutritional biochemist, Dr. C. for taking time to explain the natural compounds on a molecular level
23. My heart change and continual maturity in Christ
24. God is the same yesterday, today and forever
25. God's providence is intentional and purposeful
26. Fear is lessened - it is becoming easier to trust
27. I have joy!
28. My mom, Sandy aka: Grams to bloggers! - for cooking, cleaning, organizing, watching boys, listening and giving advice to me when asked the list goes on and on - all without being paid any money!
29. Younger sister Jean, aka: Aunt Dee Dee - taking her days off from work to come help
30. For the people who have given monetarily.
31. Meals being made to feed our family. Thanks. I am humbled.
32. Dr. Forget's staff - They have been so kind from the beginning. I came in crying on the first day and was put into a room to fill out my paperwork. Thanks Sue!
33. Songs that come to my mind often
34. Being obedient more
35. Doctors in my care - Dr. Linette, Dr. Simpson, Dr. Forget, Dr. Sanders
36. Trusting God more
37. Believe His promises to me
38. Stepping out in faith and obedience when asked to do so
39. Lean on Him when the going gets tough - OK that is every morning when I awake!
40. To rely on the faithful prayers of many who are lifting me & my family
41. Mercies that are new every morning when I need them
42. God giving me endurance to go the distance
43. This journey is not all about me. It is about God working in me.
44. Brain cancer being the most humbling experience thus far in my life

I am very sure there is so much more to praise. Please comment as you see necessary. I am so thankful for God's continued faithfulness. God is so good. Share in this time of joy!

Kate

Will wipe away every tear

For the lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd.

He will lead them to springs of living water and

God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.

Revelation 7:17

I have more tears on my left eye due to the right lacrimal duct (tear duct) being radiated aka: fried. God will wipe away any tears even now prior to my resurrected (glorified) body. Just now the tears will be less on one side. I met with Dr. Simpson on Wednesday after radiation. He explained that I will have a dry eye due to the lacrimal duct being affected. In my terminology, "fried".

My sleep is better through the night. This past week I was waking up at 3 or 4 am for no reason.

This morning my hair loss is a little less. For those of you who like details, from my hairline back it is a good 3 inches of hair loss at one location. Thankfully a headband for now will provide ample coverage. As mentioned before I should continue to have hair loss even after the RT is completed.

Wednesday the 31st I meet with Dr. Linette to discuss treatment after the radiation. Please pray for clairity & wisdom for the doctor and Dave and I. I hope to know then when my next MRI will be scheduled.

Joe was and is having a hard time since Monday. He is not eating well. Nothing tastes good to him. He was also discouraged on Wednesday. He will need to have outpatient surgery on Tuesday the 23rd to correct his eye issues. He will not lose his vision. From what I understand he will have a gold plate put ablove his right eye and the doctor will help the "sag" on the bottom. The sagging was from his cancer removal surgery. A nerve was severed in surgery that cannot be corrected. I jokingly told Joe that he will be worth some money since he will have some gold in his body. He smiled.

Superman "shouper man" is in the house. After viewing the old cartoons this past holiday weekend, Stuart runs around with a play cape and arms up in the air saying shouper man. He cries profusely if we don't let him have his cape as a blanket for nap time. Cole found a solution thankfully. He gave Stuart his superman pajama top which is a little big. Stuart nows wears it during the day. He constantly says "I'm shouper man, I'm shouper man". So in conclusion if you see Stu with a pajama top on in public no worries we do dress our two year old with normal clothes. He is just fixated on Superman at this time.

Life with 3 boys is good. Very good!

Kate

Some Fatigue

Some fatigue has set in today. I had Bible Study this morning and could hardly concentrate. After coming home to feed Stuart lunch I left to have my RT scheduled for 1:15 pm. Having the windows rolled down did help a little. At 2pm I parked the van in the school parking lot to take a nap till the boys came out at 3:05. It helped. I will need to go to bed earlier. Also I think having the RT in the afternoon was a little difficult. Tuesdays are the only days it will be in the afternoon. I usually try to take a nap when little Stu takes his.

I have also noticed since surgery when I am somewhat fatigue my right eye is fatigued as well. It actually aches.

I did asked a few questions to Deb, Dr. Simpsons nurse. My hair loss will be progressive. It will continue to fall out even after the radiation is complete on February 9. As for the burns which I thankfully do not exhibit as of yet, some people have burns while others do not. Keep well hydrated and use Aquaphor 3x daily was the suggestion. Pray I am of the ones who will not have any burns. OK, I will have the look of a greasy head along with hair loss. So if you see me around I do take a shower every day. I am not a grease monkey. Also a great thing to note - I have not needed steroids. That is a huge answer to prayer!

18 more radiation treatments to go.

Kate

Sensitivity

Due to the emotional sensitivity I have in losing strands of hair everytime I sleep, brush, shower, run my fingers through my hair and finding it on my robe, coat and sweaters - I ask you to please keep the silly hair loss comments and stories to a minimum. No bald jokes at this time.

I am sure I will at a later date be able to look back and smile.

Thank you for honoring this request. - Kate

The Hair Phase IV

As of 5:30 tonight I have shorter hair. It actually looks quite good. I am glad to have a change. A stack in back with a longer front. I can still tuck hair behind my ears. My balding area is not noticable to anyone but myself at this time. The back of my neck was little breezy in the cold air walking to my car. At home Carter smiled big and thought I looked "weird". Cole said some odd comment as well. I told Dave that we will need to work on that manly comment from the peanut gallery lesson in the near future to prepare them for their future wives and their hair ordeals. Knowing full well they (the wives) will have hair issues - hopefully never related to cancer.

Please pray for upcoming radiation treatments. Pray boldly.
1. hair loss to be minimal
2. burns from radiation to be minimal - I prefer none at all
3. vision to be protected along with the lens
4. long term - no secondary cancerous tumor arises from the radiation itself or cognitive problems
5. That I can laugh at the days to come.

Please also pray for the upcoming chemo (Temodar) treatment after the radiation. I will discuss this in mid February maybe sooner with Dr. Linette. I am still open to doing the chemo.

I am so thankful for my quiet times at home. Last night after reading I was struck by the following comment- I pray it will come true to me especially at Siteman.

That I will be sensitive and receptive to the ministering of God's Holy Spirit.

Christ, in whom are hidden

all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.

Colossians 2:3

Kate

Broken not crushed

Thanks for your sweet responses to me in regards to my hair. Yesterday was a low dip in the rollercoaster journey. Today is a new day. I was in the pit, God gave me a hand. I was in the trenches, yet a ladder is there to help me step by step. I was in the belly of a whale, yet there was a great regurgitation. I am broken, not crushed.

I think I will go ahead and cut my hair to a shorter length next Wednesday. I have always liked the stacked look. Siteman cancer resource room suggested that I should lessen the weight of my hair shaft. After a while I will probably cut it even shorter. There was a little hesitation in cutting it twice. First of all I was being frugal. I don't want to spend money on a hair cut twice in the next 2 months. Think of it as being a wise steward of our money. I normally only go every 6 months if that. The other hesitation was wondering if it would still be stylish to wear the wide headbands with shorter hair. Bandanas and hats would probably be a better choice. Some have suggested I also get it cut now so the family can adjust as well as me for the lack of hair. My hair today is coming out easily. I like to refer my loss of hair as a bundle of tumble weed. The dictionary describes hair as a slender threadlike outgrowth. I would love my body shape to be described in that manner as well. Just look under Kate for that description. ha ha ha. I will keep some hair for my scrapbook for memories.

As for the scrapbook please be sure to send your pictures to Michelle Roloff. You can email her by clicking on her name to the right of the post. She will then give you her snail mail address to send the picture her way.

Carter & Cole had their first basketball game today at 11. It is fun to have them on the same team. I have always loved basketball. Playing and coaching were great. It is a delight to watch my own boys take up this sport. Saturdays will be a highlight for the next 7+ weeks.

love - kate

Falling Has Begun

My hair is officially fallling out. My heart aches this morning after my shower. I was crying alot. Please pray for strength TODAY. I am always guaranteed that His mercies are new every morning. I did not expect for such a quick trial this early in the day. I am discouraged. Please pray also for wisdom on how I should deal with my hair. My two options are as follows:

1. Wait till the section is all bald. See how much falls out & see if the headband scarves will cover the empty space. Then wait the 2+ months in partial baldness prior to cutting my hair short to match the regrowth. They say it will take a good 2 -3 months before any new growth occurs.

2. Cut my hair really short now. Wear hats & scarves now. I have concluded that I will need to go "Butch" at some time in the near future. (No offense to any women who have short hair.)

It says in the Bible that a womens hair is her glory. I love my hair. I love my boys more. Aghhhh! This is a major trial with just the hair. I am willing to only do it for my boys. My heart is breaking. I did not sign up for the cancer hair loss club.

Now to him who is able to strengthen you according to the gospel . . .

to the only wise God be glory forevermore through Jesus Christ.

Romans 16: 25 & 27

That He would continue to strengthen me and He will get the glory.
Please pray for my emotions today. I am hurting.
Kate

More on Joe & Prayer Request

I wanted to take this time to go into further detail of my delivering of the peacoat to Joe on Wednesday afternoon.

I rang the buzzer to enter the Lodge. It's good to know there is security in the building. After entering I met a lovely woman at the desk doing laundry. I told her I was there to visit Joe B. to give him a gift. She gladly told me he is in the commons area she had just finished talking with him. I went back with a big smile on my face. As soon as I saw him I said his name. I am sure it was loud. Oooops! God did not give me a timid voice. He had a smile on his face as well. I continued to tell him I have a gift for him from someone in Indiana. After that I read the blog post that I wrote about him to explain this gift. As written previously he and I along with others around were crying. He knew right away it was a peacoat in the box. I told him to "hold his horses and we will see." Yes, I did say that. OK, now I am just amazed at the rest of the conversations that went on in the Lodge.

I met many wives of patients that were receiving treatment. One particular is from LA. She said that stands for lower Arkansas. She gave me a Gideon Bible for me to keep. I told her I have many Bibles but thank you. I will keep it with me. Joe piped in and said he had a Bible just like that in the service during war. His had a metal cover on it and it was placed in his front pocket to give him extra protection from bullets.

Another wife came over to talk about her husband Gerald who has the same type of cancer in his left side of his brain. His speech has been affected along with his occupational daily living needs. She asked if I have considered joining a support group. I told her I had contemplated it yet it would take one night away from home from my family. Pray if it is God's will for me to be in a brain cancer support group that He will make it abundantly clear.

I told Joe that I still desire to come to his wifes memorial. To please let me know. It all depends on my fatigue factor. He understood. He took out his address book and asked me to write out my address and phone number. I put it under the "K" for Kate.

Today was an uneventful day for my treatment. Last night was a thrill though. Cole's front tooth finally came out with a little help from mommy and the pliers. Yes, pliers. Cole's teeth have difficulty coming out on their own. We usually have to make an appointment to have them pulled professionally. I guess you can put MD behind my name along with professional motherhood. He was so proud that he took his tooth to school for everyone to see. He is the only first grader in January to lose a tooth so far. The tooth fairy left 2 special coins for courage we are assuming. One was a Susan B. Anthony another a Sacagawea. Way cool to him!

Upcoming prayer requests:

1. burns from RT
2. hair loss to be as minimal as possible
3. vision not to be affected
4. lens protection
5. guidance on treatment after the RT

Much love - Kate

Not Finished with Me at Siteman

God is not finished with me yet at Siteman radiology.

Today was a very unusual day to say the least. After many phone calls and emails with doctors and a scientist from California, my treatment saga has taken a turn.

It has been discussed that when a patient has radiation in a certain location that location cannot handle anymore ever again. The body is very sensitive to radiation. Dr. Linette previously said that if I am were to stop treatment he strongly encouraged me to finish out the 30 radiation treatments. He said I could "twist his arm" about stopping the chemo. I can always do chemo in the years to come but, I can't always have radiation as an option.

So after much consideration, I am going to continue the RT without the chemo till Friday, February 9. Dr. Simpson has agreed to this also. (if you can remember he was strongly opposed to having RT without the chemo in the beginning) I had RT today at 2:45pm.

Looking back over today I was able to "lay out my fleece" so to speak with the doctors. My desire was not to continue the chemo. It was granted. That was answer enough for me.

I can't explain this change although I have stated previously that I am open to God's intervention daily. I don't presume to be a doctor. I don't want to be a fool. I will commit to RT for the full time. My hair loss will be from the right ear forward. What fun that will be to be bald in just one section! The hair might not grow back for a few months. My hair adventure awaits! The other immediate side effect will be significant fatigue. It will last at least 4 weeks post RT as well.

I am thankful for a concerned doctor friend in Texas who sent a very genuine email. I am also thankful for other friends who have supported us with all the decisions & options.

Brain cancer is unique. The brain has a separate immune system from the rest of the body. Amazing! Not one treatment outcome is the best! I will continue to use nutrition along with the natural compounds we have been researching with the RT and beyond.

Sorry to take you on such a roller coaster. On a funny note - I guess this makes the blog more interesting. Possibly more addicting to some of you. Ha ha ha

Cancer is like an investment portfolio. You try to pick the best option not knowing the outcome. But, (that is the emphasized word) as christians we have the Lord guiding our investment portfolio. Thank you to G.C. for this analogy.

As for Joe he was truly touched. I went to the Hope Lodge at 2 pm today to deliver the coat. I read to him the post I wrote about him. He and I were both crying in the eating area. Many others were listening & crying as well. Before I opened up the box for him he said he knew what it was. I said to him "How are you so sure?" He just smiled. I am delighted to tell you that it fit perfectly and he was wearing it with much pride. He even motioned ladies that were walking around to look at his new coat! The buttons have anchors on them. So cute! I continued to talk to the people around the area. (no surprise to all of you) Joe piped in with all the ladies cackling "Did you know I am a retired master sergeant?" I was so happy to hear him recount of his joys. Please be sure to click on the December 29 post of Joe. A Lodge employee posted Joes reaction after I left.

Thanks for your continued prayers. This is a daily walk.
Just glad to not take chemo at this time.
kate

Answering Concerns

I would like to take this time to address the previous blog comment from Tiffani. It might address other peoples concerns & questions who have been reading the blog.

Thank you Tiffani for you courage and honesty to post your concerns in regards to stopping the conventional treatment of radiation and chemo.

Why we are choosing unconventional at this time;

1. Gods leading

2. Dave & I know there is no proven cure for cancer yet, we desire to try the unconventional first & see how far we get.

3. My desire with unconventional is my quality of life during the "wait & see if it returns" time. Not knowing when that time might be.

4. I am willing to go back to conventional if that is what I am supposed to do. I am confident that God will give me the courage.

** Dave & I are open to whatever lies ahead with the cancer journey. Our decisions are difficult & weigh very heavy on our hearts. My family is so precious to me.

Yes, I so much want to know the future. Yes, I am anticipating the March MRI and the subsequent others. I have heard from previous cancer patients that you live from one MRI to the next. I am seeing some truth in this. Each day I have to remind myself to live day by day sometimes hour by hour.

I truly hopes this answers some of your concerns. Always seeking wisdom.
With humility - Kate

Keep Checking In

Dave has not had any extra time to devote to writing the blog post. He should be able to get to it in the next few days. He had a school board meeting last night then followed by some dear friends who came over to pray & talk with us after the boys went to bed. Tonight the boys had basketball practice. Keep checking in for the update.

As for the doctors . . . PRAISE . . . . .

• Dr. Linette will continue to be my oncologist. I will need to see him once a month with labs prior to the doctors appointment. My next appointment is Wednesday, February 21 at 9 am. I will have my MRI sometime in March.
• Dr. Simpson's nurse, Deb called today & stated that he knows this is a very personal decision. It was also said that they realized that this wasn't a easy or quick decision. They knew we were concerned about many details of cancer and the treatment options. Deb said that he will be sending me a letter sometime in the near future. Nothing for me to sign. Just some information.

I was able to talk to Dr. Linette on Monday and let him know that I do respect him as my doctor & his opinion. I also wanted to make it known that we do not think ill of the pharmaceutical companies.

With a humble heart - Kate

Discontinued Conventional Treatment

After much prayer, seeking God's will, thorough research & peace in both our hearts I have discontinued the conventional treatment. I have started on a new treatment plan using an unconventional approach. Dave will provide more specific details in the next few days.

Also I am going to deliver Joe his peacoat hopefully on Wednesday with Stuart.

You can pray for Dr. Linette (oncologist) & Dr. Simpson (radiation oncologist) response. They received a phone call this morning with the news. Dave & I will probably set appointments to discuss this in person with all the research as we feel it is the honorable thing to do.

At total peace with this decision - Kate

He Will Lead Us Safely Through

When you pass through the waters . . . they will not sweep over you.

Isaiah 43:2

God does not open paths for us before we come to them, or provide help before help is needed. He does not remove obstacles out of our way before we reach them. Yet when we are at our point of need, God's hand is outstretched.

Many people forget this truth and continually worry about difficulties they envision in the future. They expect God to open and clear many miles of road before them, but He promises to do it step by step, only as their need arises. You must be in the floodwaters before you can claim God's promise.

. . . He will lead us safely through.

Taken from the devotional guide Streams in the Dessert by L.B. Cowman for January 6.

Kate

A Continual Journey

Today was my 7th day of radiation treatment. I have enjoyed getting to know various patients and staff at Siteman. In regards to our previous post I want to clarify that I will not stop the conventional treatment UNTIL we have a clear direction & answer to the unconventional and nutritional approach.

As for me personally, I have been asked "How are you really doing emotionally, inside?" My honest answer is "quite good." I truly have a peace about waiting for a direct confirmation. I have to admit a few weeks ago I had internal panic. But that panic has been lifted. Every morning I really have to consciously focus on just that day at hand. I tend to want to look ahead.
"Do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow has enough worries."

Yes, I do not want the possible side effects of radiation. Yes, I still have a minimal concern about my hair loss, wondering how much and how far back. My main concern, however, is my vision & cognitive dysfunction. Please know that I am confirmed that God is bigger than any possible side effects, statistics, etc. He cares for my every need--emotional and physical.

Cancer has taught me LOTS! Here are a few examples.
1. I have been in awe of the complexity of love, specifically God's love for his children. His grace has been significant as well.

2. Being able to slowly go beyond "Me thinking" to "You thinking." My compassion for others has changed. It has a long way to go though. I am one tough cookie to crumble. I am certainly a work in progress. (I guess it took a brain tumor to jump start this change.)

3. In the past I tended to cringe when the weekly tithe check was written. Slowly I am seeing the vital importance in giving. I have been given so much in this trial. Wow! I sure am greedy with money. I am realizing that our money is really not mine, but His. He provided it for us. (I knew this but never took it to heart--only to head.)

Dave and I are trying to not make nutrition our main focus. We also are trying to not make it a legalistic approach with our boys. We want to instill healthy habits that they can carry throughout their life. We want them to have strong minds and bodies and furthermore be men of honor in our society who love God and want to serve Him. God's Word says our body is a temple of the Holy Spirit (I Cor. 6:20b). Therefore, we should honor God with your body. (See I Cor. 3:16 as well). I can't help but think that what we put into body is equally important. Cancer or not.

Some have asked for my specific change in eating habits. Please refer to the post "Does Cancer Feed Off Sugar?" Look at the book lists. We are using common sense with Dr. Budwig's approach (increase Omega 3 while decreasing Omega 6) along with Jeanne Wallace from Utah. A 38 minute video clip from a recent presentation is very informative.
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-8203376527577997655
It will get you started in the right direction in your quest for healthy eating habits.

Thank you for continuing this journey with us. In the end it is important to remember that:
1. Whatever is decided that I am at peace with the decision. Ultimately it is my decision not anyone else.
2. That God directs this decision & gives confirmation
3. To be wise and prudent.

Kate

PS - Happy Birthday to my sister Jean tomorrow aka: Aunt Dee Dee!

Unconventional Therapies

To follow-up a post from a couple of days ago regarding our concerns with the current treatment plan. Unfortunately, some people are drawing a false conclusion from our blog that we are only going to use nutrition to treat Kate's cancer. Instead, we are researching unconventional treatments that are gentler and have shown great results. Studies of these treatments have been published in many different medical research journals. We don't accept treatments based on opinions and mere anecdotes, evidence is needed to convince us.

There is plenty of evidence in support of these unconventional treatments, however, they will probably never be accepted or practiced by the mainstream medical community. (No offense to any medical practitioners reading this) The reason is, these treatments do not involve pharmaceuticals. If you've done as much research as I have you would realize that the modern medical community prescribes drugs that have successfully made it through all three phases of clinical trials and are approved by the FDA. Clinical trials are very expensive and require a lot of patients to sign up. The majority of clinical trials are funded by pharmaceutical companies, in the hopes that they eventually can patent the drug and make a profit. Unconventional approaches, like those using natural compounds, can not be patented. Therefore, what company is going to spend millions of dollars funding clinical trials for a product they can't patent and wouldn't be able to recoup the cost? You see my point.

Just so you know, Kate and I have nothing against pharmaceutical companies, we are frequent users of their products and will continue to be. However, we also believe that not all diseases can be solved by pharmaceuticals. Kate's brain cancer is a perfect example.

Kate said that she will try and post sometime tomorrow about her interaction with fellow patients and continued treatment at Siteman.

Please continue to pray for wisdom for us.

Dave & Kate

Whew! One long day!

Today was one long day! I arrived at Siteman at 8:45 am. Lab work was supposed to be at 9. I didn't get drawn till 9:40. During the wait I had a great conversation with an older couple. At 9:55 I went upstairs to see Dr. Linette. I was told to go ahead and get my radiation then return. At 10 I received my radiation then waited to see Dr. Simpson. After seeing Dr. Simpson I proceeded to the 6th floor to wait. Wait. Wait. Finally I was told by the nurse to go ahead & get some lunch it might be a while. I finally was seen at 1:45. Dr. Linette answered all my questions fully. He also said he would continue to be my oncologist if I decided to stop treatment. He did advise against it which is no surprise to me. He did have some good reasoning. I left Siteman at 2:20pm. Whew! I am tired. I did not sleep well last night. I really hope to sleep better tonight.

Please be praying for divine wisdom. We are planning on seeing a nutrionist this Friday evening. We also might consult another nutritionist from Utah who works closely with brain cancer patients.

kate

Treatment Fears & Concerns

Ever since we started this blog we've tried to keep everything as open and honest as possible with what we are going through, what we are feeling, what our needs are, how you can pray, etc. Over the past several days, Kate and I have not been at peace with her going through radiation and chemotherapy treatments. The effectiveness of the treatment (chemo especially) is not well known and the potential long term side effects are very scary. Kate and I had a special time of prayer together on New Year's Eve to lay out our concerns before the Lord, asking for wisdom and confirmation from Him if we should stay on this course.

I'm embarassed to admit that we did not have prayer time together before she started treatments, only individually. If fact, we hadn't prayed together as a couple for a long time. This is my fault as the spiritual leader of my family, however, today is a new day and God has awakened me to do this more often. Praying with your spouse is a privilege and a very wonderful thing!

The chemotherapy drug Kate is taking, Temodar, has really only started to be used in the past few years. A very real risk of taking this drug is developing leukemia. On the radiation side, each daily dose she receives is significantly more than a general x-ray. Potential long term side effects include vision problems, cognitive disfunction, and secondary brain tumors, among other things.

If you've been following our story for sometime, by now you realize there are no "standard" protocols in the medical community for treating cancer, especially brain cancer. Doctors only prescribe approaches they think "might" work, and even then each doctor has a different opinion. It sure seems like a big guessing game with my wife as the guinea pig.

None of these treatments deal with the root cause of why Kate developed brain cancer in the first place, they only work to try and slow the tumor growth (if any remains). It seems logical that if you don't correct the root cause of the problem, then you are likely to get cancer again. From my research, I think the answer lies with one's nutrition. That is why we have radically changed Kate's diet to cut out processed sugar, reduce animal fats, reduce preservatives, increase Omega-3 (polyunsaturated) fats, increase fruits & vegetables, use purified water and purchase more organic foods.

If cancer was simply a genetic problem then I would expect all countries to have nearly equal cancer rates. But they are not, only Western countries have high rates of cancer. The obvious discernable difference in my mind, which has been researched and published extensively, is our dietary habits. Hence the reason why I am so passionate about improving my wife's (and family's) diet. I hope you will take this information to heart as well.

As we continue to make decisions regarding treatment, here are some immediate prayer requests:

1. If there is any reason why Kate should discontinue the current treatment plan and choose another plan, that God would make it abundantly clear to us.

2. If we continue with the current treatment plan, that Kate would be protected from long term side effects. Also, that short term side effects (fatigue, nausea, vomitting, constipation, loss of appetite, hair loss, etc) would be minimal and bearable.

3. That Kate would continue to have opportunities to minister to others.

4. That our marriage would continue to grow stronger through this trial.

5. That we would continue to say "yes" to people who want to serve us during this time.

6. That we would grow much closer to God and avail ourselves to spend time with Him, in the Word and in prayer.

Finally, a friend sent us a devotional email this week that was written by a well-known pastor (John Piper) and I wanted to share the high points with you. You can find the entire text of the devotional at: http://www.desiringgod.org/

Don't Waste Your Cancer

1. You will waste your cancer if you do not believe it is designed for you by God.

2. You will waste your cancer if you believe it is a curse and not a gift.

3. You will waste your cancer if you seek comfort from your odds rather than from God.

4. You will waste your cancer if you refuse to think about death.

5. You will waste your cancer if you think that “beating” cancer means staying alive rather than cherishing Christ.

6. You will waste your cancer if you spend too much time reading about cancer and not enough time reading about God.

7. You will waste your cancer if you let it drive you into solitude instead of deepen your relationships with manifest affection.

8. You will waste your cancer if you grieve as those who have no hope.

9. You will waste your cancer if you treat sin as casually as before.

10. You will waste your cancer if you fail to use it as a means of witness to the truth and glory of Christ.

Thank you for your prayers and support and encouraging blog posts. We appreciate and cherish all you are doing for us. May God double the blessing back to you.

Dave

Best Day Ever

Yesterday on New Years Day the older boys were picked up by some friends of our to go roller skating. Upon return they both were talking at mach speed. Carter told Mr. Byars that this is the "best day ever". He continued to tell him that the roller skating was a blast & that they get to watch a special movie sometime later. Cole quickly told us that he officially went around the rink 16 times. I smiled when I heard him say this. He is so much like his father in the numbers arena. It's all about numbers. Go Cole! On a side note safety Dave made sure the boys had all of their gear on for the roller skating - helmets, elbow & knee pads & wrist guards. I never had any of that growing up when I went roller skating.

The Christmas break for the boys was a quiet one. They both enjoyed the ice & roller skating. Yesterday morning they played "deed-a-lump" with Stuart in the basement. It is a game that my dad plays with his grandchildren. He normally puts them on his lap & pretends his leg is a horse & says deed-a-lump while moving his leg up and down. Carter & Cole modified the game by putting Stuart on their backs then ran & jumped up & down while saying deed-a-lump. The boy who doesn't have Stu on his back is the spotter so little Stu doesn't fall off. Stuart was laughing & truly enjoying his older brothers. His long nap showed his exhaustion. He tries so hard to keep up with them during this break. Carter & Cole return to school on Wednesday.

Today is a busy day. Joe at Siteman will get his grocery goodies. I may have to deliver them to the Hope House since there is no way he will be able to carry them with a walker. I have some errands to run. I also have another doctors appointment (not related to the cancer) at 1:30. Someone is coming over to the home this afternoon to fix our doorway that is quite drafty. Carter & Cole have basketball practice tonight. Whew! Never a dull moment. I wouldn't trade it for anything though!

I am thrilled to announce to you that a family member in Indiana will be getting Joe a peacoat. It will be delivered to me in the coming weeks. I can't wait to give it to him. My heart was so filled with joy when I received the email about the gift. Joe will truly be shocked. I am already thinking of how I am going to present it to him. I want to write a note. Please pray the words come to me. Continue to pray for him and his loss.

Pray for wisdom for Dave & I with the treatments. New Years Eve we prayed together for everything that is involved. We want wisdom with our every step.

This Wednesday is a busy day at Siteman. I will have my 9 am labs, see Dr. Linette at 9:30, 10am RT & then see Dr. Simpson. Pray specifically for the lab work & for the continued questions.

Still seeking wisdom.
Kate