Telling boys some information

I did forget to mention yesterday that if we are to do the surgery once more. It will most likely be sooner than later due to this type of cancer producing "fingers" that can branch out to other parts of the brain. A person cannot have brain surgery on two different sides of the brain. Please pray over this coming Thursday at 4 pm for wisdom - Dave & I along with the doctors. Should we have another person read the spectroscopy? We just don't know.

I woke up at 4:30 this morning and once my mind started thinking couldn't go back to bed. Gotta get to my Bible study in few. I had this written last night yet didn't post it. Please read it as if it were written last night (Monday).

We did tell the boys tonight that the doctors want to talk to us about the test results. There is a possibility that "Mom might have to have more treatment and maybe an operation again." Carter asked if the cancer was back. We felt right now not to say that the cancer has returned. He is taking it harder than Cole which is what I expected. He mentioned that "I wish you didn't have cancer. I want you back to the way you were." I hugged him and said it is fine to cry. Dave & I said that more will be discussed on Thursday at 4 pm with both doctors. We shared the following verse over ice cream.

Fear not, for I am with you.
Do not be dismayed, I am your God.
I will strengthen you; I will help you;
I will uphold you with my victorious right hand.
Psalm 84:11

Cole broke out in song from the Karyn Henley DVD series . . . .

"I am your God,
I am your God,
I am your God who holds your right hand and I say to you
do not be afraid
for I will help you

In God I trust
I will not be afraid
In God I trust
I will not be afraid

For He will take care of me."

Praising God for ice cream delights during heavy times. Praising Him for putting a song in Cole's heart. Carter later came up to me when alone and said "I sure hope you don't have surgery. It isn't the same without you around."

My heart is heavy thinking about it all but I do know that God is by my side. I am so glad I am loved by Him.

I did tell Dave over the phone earlier today with the news that although I am devastated that I am not dead. He came home with lunch for both of us. I love him so. I also shared with my aunt over the phone that I didn't think "Why me?" this time. God is obviously not finished with me or someone else who is watching. Pray that I don't become easily discouraged. This is a long journey that I really didn't want to take at this time.

We are taking it one day at a time. That is all God really wants us to do.

Worry is like taking tomorrows clouds

and putting them on todays sunshine.

I did find some sunshine today. One being that I have felt good for a whole year! God's word strengthening me not only today but this past year. Cole hugging me early this morning before leaving for school. Stuart loving me while I was crying today. Carter's tenderness to the whole ordeal this evening. Dave leaving work to be with me.

When putting the boys to bed tonight I read two books with them. One was about a crippled lamb and how he was created for a special job. That job ended up being to keep king Jesus warm as a baby. I told each boy that God doesn't make mistakes and that He chose them to be in our family for a reason. God knew they would have a mom who would have brain cancer and that God would use it in their lives. Carter really pondered this and asked how God would use it. I said I didn't know but I do know He will. Cole just prayed tenderly tonight for no cancer growth. When finished I told him if there is cancer that God will see us through like He did last time. Cole's only reservation was that he didn't like grandma watching them due to arriving late to school and not having that first drop off recess. I laughed and said that could be worked out. Oh, the innocence of children. I love them.