Tuesday, December 09, 2008

All I want ...

Todays oncologist appointment proved to be a up and down kind of one. The white blood cell count was 4.1. That was the up. The rest should be written by Dave but he is at work so I will do my best to write the rest out. It may have to be edited at a later time. Please work with me on this one. I am doing my best to gather my thoughts. Okay here is the next paragraph on the down.

Yes, I am thankful for the 4.1 WBC. I did go in the appointment telling Dr. Needles about my right eye pain that is intermittent and runs to the back of my head (did not tell my bloggers) . He felt is necessary for me to have a MRI within the next week or two prior to starting my December chemo (supposed to be this Friday wants to hold off till the MRI results). He wants to see if there is concern in the brain area. He thinks unlikely. The doctor also asked if I have had my eye pressure checked recently. "I have." Thank you very much with Dr. Cohen. I was encouraged to have another appointment and have it checked again since that appointment was in September. Dr. Needles also asked if I grind my teeth at night - which I assume I do and have had my dentist recommend a nightguard. Yet to use....yeah yeah yeah. I know what you are thinking. Wear that nightguard. I do have to say the dentist at my latest appointment didn't mention the grinding of teeth nor the nightguard. OFF TRACK. Sorry for the tangent on the nightguard dentist thing. On to the next item... I also mentioned that my joints have been hurting since the November chemo cycle. (I try not to write every ache and pain I have with this cancer chemo thing on the blog.) He put in second lab order. After looking over the order it seems he is looking for
1. rheumatoid factor (joint I assume)
2. SED rate (something to do with an infection in the blood- (got this info from the blood draw person)). Not sure if the low WBC last month did a work on my body or not. I am hopeful that I will hear from the doctor today on the results. Maybe the next hour or so. Okay... back to the MRI... I am to schedule it soon and call the doctor a few days later to discuss the results.

All I wanted for Christmas was a low key stay in your pajamas time with my family. I was in tears hearing that I was to have a MRI prior to December 25. I don't want another season of unrest. Yes, I know God is in control and Dr. Needles is just being precautionary(as I want). Please pray for my fear. I have been through the mill. I am crushed emotionally. Thank you for praying on my behalf.

It was a year this December 7 since my second surgery. My left side was not functioning. This morning getting ready I was thinking about how I felt with the disability. I couldn't hug my kids with both arms, stand, walk, brush my teeth, put my bra on correctly or for that matter get dressed by myself. Standing in the shower was difficult (shhhh Emily & Sarah) Thankfully by God's grace I can do all these things. He has brought me through a lot the past two years. I know He will be faithful during this next round of the unknown.

I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?

My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

Psalm 121: 1 & 2

with a tender heart, kate


Anonymous said...

Praying, praying, praying.

Call anytime if you want to laugh, cry, yell...whatever! I had one friend take me up on this offer...in the middle of the night...and I was so THANKFUL she did!!! I'm serious about calling whenever!

In His Grip,
Sue :)

Amy said...

Hey Kate,

I'm sorry for the discouragement before Christmas. I'll be praying that it turns out to be nothing! I wanted to point you to one of my very favorite blogs... by Beth Moore and her daughter, Amanda. Beth just posted a blog post that made me think of what you expressed today. Copy and paste:


Just post a comment on my blog if you have trouble getting there. Hope it encourages you!

PEACE to you!

Anonymous said...

OK, girl...I HIT MY KNEES when you called this AM @ the new orders for testing...well, not literally, b/c I was driving and it would be kind of hard to drive, not to mention dangerous to drive, on your knees. Called Sue, Stacey, Jen, and Mike to pray for you, and they did so IMMEDIATELY. You are SURELY held in our arms before the throne of grace figuratively and held up under the pits (like Moses during battle) literally here on earth. Your prayer warriors will NOT cease to lift you up, Kate...be assured of THAT. In moments where you are afraid, feel like you are on unsteady ground, don't know what the future may hold...know THIS: a) When you walk through the valley of the shadow of death (or brain tumor aftershocks), you shall fear no evil, for HE is with you b) the ground may feel unsteady, your legs may wobble like jello, but your friends and family will brace up your faltering limbs with prayer and support c) the future may look dim, fuzzy, or blank to US...but it fully known by the Father...and it is in HIS hands that you are cradled. Will pray. Have been on the phone with BOTH Sue and Stacey while (trying to) writing this message to you...you're surrounded...and that's not a bad thing! L Jo Hugs x 10-to-the-ninth-power

Anonymous said...


Laura is right. Everything stopped over here for a while so I could lift you up to our gracious and loving Lord. Thanks for sharing the request so quickly so we can all pray you through it. Will continue to pray that it turns out to be NOTHING (okay, maybe scar tissue), that you are able to have a wonderful Christmas with your family, and for peace as you wait to have/get results of the MRI.

Sending you a hug from down Big Bend... did you feel it?

Love to you,

Anonymous said...

Sending you hugs and prayers. I was praying for you before I started to read your blog. It is strange, I have been having a "gut feeling" and knew it was someone related to me but didn't know who exactly it was- God knew and he hears our prayers. Just so you know the sed rate is to test for inflammation in your body. Since you have joint pain this is a standard test. It is also high when woman are preganat- just a bit of triva for you;)
I know what a difficult time this is for you and how much you want a "normal", aka before cancer Christmas. God will help you through this, he is holding you in his arms, there is only one set of footprints! Hang in there Kate, life will get better. You have come such a long way since last year, and you know what it is okay to want a relaxing holiday. I understand your emotions and sort of panic, it is okay to feel this way, allow yourself these feelings. God is good and he loves you. Take care and if you want to talk to someone who can relate or you just want a listening ear I'm here. I'm about to go down and get Arwen off the bus but will be available after 3pm. Day or night Kate.
Danielle (IN)

Anonymous said...

Hi Kate,

I made myself wait a while to check your blog, figuring you might not post your results right away, but you have been on my mind all morning! It goes without saying that I am praying for you. Words fail me but I know that our Father in heaven is sufficient to give you joy even in the midst of this disappointment..and after all the tests may simply confirm that everything is going beautifully.

I am privileged to know you, to pray for you, and I am only a phone call away.


Anonymous said...

I, too, have been thinking of you so much today, Kate. I know you have a heavy heart right now, and many fears. God knows your fears, and our fears for you, and somehow I am hoping and praying that you your fears will be soon diminished and erased so that your Christmas can be a peaceful one. God surely must love you and your family so much to give you so many trials and periods to totally lean on Him. Though none of us would choose your having cancer to be our lesson in trusting and learning to lean on our Heavenly Father, that has been His will. Your faith and strength have been lessons for us, and I pray now that your faith which has strongly led us will hold you up as you wait on the Lord. I pray that His sustaining love and presence will be so strong to you that you know that He is your All in All.

Anonymous said...


I pray for you each time one of your posts appears in my reader. May God give you peace and comfort during this time. You are such a encouragement to so many people.

From an online friend and sister,


Anonymous said...

I am encouraged by you! I'l be praying for you and the next MRI that you would feel his presence! I love you Kate!