Friday, June 29, 2007
We are looking forward to no agendas this coming weekend. Nothing is scheduled on the calendar. We might take a family journey to Grants Farm or the zoo. Dave needs to sleep in on Saturday morning due to not sleeping well on his trip.
Glad to have Daddy Dave home!
Cole with baseball buddies, James and Will
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Monday, June 25, 2007
Another great aspect of my morning was getting in to see Dr. Cohen for tomorrow yes, tomorrow at 11 am. The secretary said that Dr. Cohen just had a cancellation for tomorrow otherwise it would be sometime late August before I could be seen. I was elated! Is that God or what? I feel bad for my mom as she was already here this morning taking care of the boys. She was willing to return tomorrow. Stuart will need to take his nap around 1 pm. Dr. Cohen's main office is at Siteman. All my follow ups can be done at St. Lukes which is much closer to home. The secretary said for me to expect that I will be at Dr. Cohen's office for a minimum of one and a half hours. That is normal for most doctors at Siteman. I may run downstairs to radiology to say "hi" to Dot, Hope and Steph my receptionist friends. I miss seeing them as I did every day for 30 days.
Thanks for praying!
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Also, I received an email from a friends husband, Dr. J. William Harbour who is an ophthalmologist specializing in eye cancer at Washington University School of Medicine / Siteman. I had wanted his opinion on whether or not I should try to find a ophthalmologist that specializes in any type of cancer due to ocular side effects of conventional cancer treatments (RT, chemo & biologic agents) a specialist would be able to have a more educated view on issues that may arise in the years to come. I am aware that cataracts could be in my future due to the RT. Dr. Harbour's recommendation was to "start with a good general ophthalmologist, then they can refer you if you need a specialist. I would recommend Dr. Bruce Cohen, who can see you at St. Lukes in Chesterfield. He is a general ophthalmologist but also has retina training." I will be calling to make an appointment tomorrow with Dr. Cohen. Please pray I can get in before the first of July. Dr. Harbour said for me to call his assistant to help in getting an appointment. He has been another blessing in this trial. Praising God for all the puzzle pieces of blessings! We have known their family since Dave and I were newly married and childless.
FYI - The next time you see Dave be sure to give him a BIG congrats! He had his very first out the the park homerun at his softball game on Friday evening. The older boys were quite proud as they had insisted that he hit a homerun. Daddy pulled through with their request. Cole ran up to him to high five him before any of Dave's team mates. Carter now has bragging rights with Mr. Wicht on the opposing Covenant softball team. Carter states that the Covenant team is "going down". He thinks the Chesterfield blue team rocks. I will try and tell you the possible secret to the homerun. It has something to do with body mechanics and family exercise time. My tushy is sore from the exercise. It strengthens your core. Mr. Dave the researcher has done much reading on proper mechanics in pitching. Carter wants to pitch in his upcoming fall ball league. Dave is getting him ready. I along with Cole join in for fun.
Doctors and more doctors in my future! The story of my life. . . . Kate
Thursday, June 21, 2007
There are many songs on XM 32 and the local christian radio station that I listen more intently to lately. Another blogger friend that I have been following recently just posted a song that I just pondered a few days ago. It speaks of a persons desire to leave a legacy to those she leaves behind in this world. My prayer is that I will have done just that. Not to be remembered for that young mom that had brain cancer but something more significant.
The song is Legacy by Nichole Nordeman. Turn it up!
What will you and I be remembered for?
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Anyone can be a Father-
but it takes
Friday, June 15, 2007
I forgot to mention in the previous blog about my crying bout prior to seeing Dr. Needles. I awoke at 4:30 in the morning and couldn't go back to sleep since I reminded myself that "Oh yeah today I find out if any growth is present." Now getting up at 4:30 is not the odd part. It is the not being able to fall back asleep at that hour of the morning. After taking the boys to VBS I chatted with my dear friends Emily and Laurie in the parking lot. We conversed and I told them to pray for me if there is growth for I will be in utter despair. I departed with those words and cried walking to the van. I sat in the van and had a good cry then drove off to see Dr. Needles. All the emotions of the surgery, me being a cancer patient, the boys, Dave and recalling my early December pit of despair came back to me on Wednesday morning. I am so very thankful that it didn't really bother me till Wednesday morning. I really didn't even entertain the thought. After the doctors appointment I was really praising God for walking me through all of my emotions. He has been so good to me. So to ask was I worried? No. Concerned? Yes. Who wouldn't be? I just do not try to dwell on the negatives of my cancer. I need to live my life as God desires me to do. Day to day depending on Him for my every need.
Praising God that Dave just now called to tell me his plane has landed from his Arizona trip. Also thanking God that I didn't have a break down till the morning of finding the MRI results.
Pray for my sleep. I haven't had a great nights rest for a while now. I would like to stay asleep till the alarm goes off at 6:15 am. Also please pray that the soreness on my head would lessen each day.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
I am changing radiation oncologist to be at St. John's as well. Dr. Julie Mai will oversee my care. She has in the past done care down at Siteman and Dr. Needles thought it best to see her or one other in that same practice. I have a consultation appointment with her on Monday, June 25. I needed to get in to see her prior to the July 1 increased insurance copay ($30 instead of $50). Dr. Needles thought it was a good idea to switch over. I am not sure I will see much of any radiation oncologist since I will be under the watchful eye of Dr. Needles every 3 months. Of course, I really don't know what will be happening in the months to come. I have learned that much thus far. My time is really not my time anymore.
The next MRI will be on Tuesday, September 11 with a follow up doctors appointment on that Thursday the 13th.
Looking forward to enjoying the rest of summer cancer free!
PS - Sorry for no poem this time. I wasn't feeling too creative today.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
What encouragement! Just what I needed for today! Is that not a God thing? Just love the last line about my purpose in this generation. Thought provoking. I thank them for being so thoughtful in sending it my way. The body of Christ really has been used in powerful ways.
Cole was asking tonight about the number of scans that I will have to do. My response was that it will be every 2 - 3 months depending on what the doctor prefers. I also told him that I think the next one will be in September right after school starts. He then went on about how he didn't want school to start yet. I smiled and told him that he needn't worry about school just yet. Enjoy our summer for it has just started.
I truly am not worried about tomorrow's 9:45 am doctor visit. Concerned but not worried. It is good to be able to say that. Just at the pool tonight a friend whom I haven't seen in ages asked how I was doing and if I ever felt "normal". Honestly I told her it has been feeling more like normal again. A little lull has been very good for the soul for in the beginning all I could think about was the brain cancer. Dave just informed me that he is going to try attend the doctors visit since it is so close to his work. ---- Another praise right there! So glad I changed doctors to be closer to everything!
Praying for a clear scan. I'll keep you posted.
Monday, June 11, 2007
Many thanks to Michelle Roloff for giving me the Watermark CD at the beginning of this trial. It helped to pass the time. I love the praise songs especially the one titled Who am I?. If you haven't heard the song try downloading it sometime soon!
Thanks for praying for peace. Continue to pray for a clear reading. I'll keep you posted on what Dr. Needles has to say on Wednesday.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
1. Cole had a baseball game in the evening at 6 pm. Did not win the game but he sure is a great first baseman. Very proud! When he batted and was on first base you should have seen how he spoke to the other teams first baseman to kinda move out of the way so he had a clear run to second base. He was moving him over with his hand and stretching his legs to get ready. Quite amusing. I think I even got it on video.
2. Dave had a softball game at 6 pm as well. The boys and I had hoped to get a picnic dinner and watch his game. Unfortunately his team didn't win. They had some fast innings. We weren't able to see him play. It wasn't one of his better games. No triples this time.
1. Carter had two baseball games back to back (double header) in the morning. He played the best I have seen him play. His pants showed how aggressive he was in the infield. Dirty, dirty, dirty. Carter usually plays shortstop or pitcher position. It is a machine pitch league. They lost the first game and won the second.
2. In the evening Carter & I went to the Cardinals game. Dave's company have tickets that they give out and Dave won two for Saturday evening prior to Carter's birthday. We gave him the tickets as one of his birthday gifts. Free is always good. Carter chose me to be his companion. I was quite surprised as Daddy is usually the one that attends the sporting events if only two tickets are available. To find out later on the ride home . . . I was chosen because Carter knew I would stay till the end of the game. Dave doesn't like to deal with traffic so he usually leaves around the eighth inning. Another reason why he chose me (which he told Daddy while he was being tucked in) was that I would buy him Mr. Pibb. Dave laughed when he told me this and said "I guess Carter knows you are a softy." I guess I am. I figure when you are at the ballgame why not have some fun? I stuck with the grilled chicken sandwich and water. BTW the seats were only about 6 rows back from the field.
1. Church - As always it is good to be in fellowship with other believers.
2. Went tadpole hunting with great friends at a local park. We call it the rock park. Stuart was right in there enjoying the murky water. The tadpoles were in a deeper area so it was difficult to catch them. It was too bad for the tadpoles were huge bullfrog variety. The boys ended up with some crawdads and baby frogs. Meegan, Madeline and Sarah Elizabeth were happy to be with the "hunters". Last year Meegan caught a big tadpole while she was staying with us. We put it on the back patio so she could take it to school to show everyone. Low and behold the tadpole was not alive in the morning. A night scavenger thought it was a tasty treat. Only pieces of the tadpole were left in the bucket. Tasty! Yuck!
Tomorrow is my MRI at 9:30. Pray for me to be at peace / not to be anxious in the scanning tube. Also for me to have some good time with the Lord. The older boys will be at Vacation Bible School this week. Wednesday is when the results will be made known to me.
Friday, June 08, 2007
I love my boys so much. They have brought out a desire in me to change, to grow and to be better at life. To know God and teach them to know Him. I laugh and cry with every tender baby boy memory and pondered how faithful God had been to such an incapable young mom especially the Carter and Cole baby years.
It seems that cancer has also brought about a similar change in my daily life.
Just want you to know that I surely do love you as my praying bloggers. I count it a priviledge to journal, to cry with you and more than anything on earth, to chase after Jesus with you. He reallly makes life worth living.
Take time to look at baby pictures and your baby bins of clothes in storage. It is good for the soul.
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
Yesterday, Carter had a special day all his own. He requested biscuits and gravy for breakfast and it was granted. I hadn't made biscuits and gravy since I cut out sausage from my diet. I limit sausage consumption with the boys significantly. I figure one morning is not going to hurt.
After the yummy breakfast that Cole thoroughly enjoyed as well a fun party with friends started after lunch. While Stuart was napping we played many games/relays. Carter and Cole tied on the football throwing game. They had to throw from a distance into a rectangular goal. Each person received one point if they got it into the goal but hit the chain. Two points were given if they didn't hit any sides. A tie breaker was done at the end and Carter came out on top. Great job Cole and Carter! They both have a great arm and aim.
Another fun relay was having each boy run a distance to a pile of football gear to put on. They were to put on pads, an old Rams jersey and a helmet. I would then take their picture and they would run back to the starting line. Carter won with 34 seconds. The other boys score ranged from 54 seconds to 1 minute 26 seconds. I think Carter had an advantage for he practiced many times prior to his special day.
Everyone enjoyed ice cream and a football shaped cake. Funny story behind that one. I was up late Monday night making the cake because I felt guilty just having cupcakes for the party. I want my boys to remember in years to come that I went all out to make them feel special on their birthdays. At bedtime while tucking him in Carter said he didn't mind the cupcakes I had already made but he preferred a cake. He was gracious about it. So off I went to the store to purchase the cake mixes and ingredients for homemade icing. I couldn't in good conscious ice the cake with the pre made stuff. The ingredient list was scary. The cakes turned out well. I made two because they were small. Carter also was given a choice of a special dinner at home or to eat out. He chose to eat out. Fine with me! After planning a party and making two cakes late Monday night I didn't really want to make a dinner. We ended the day with a ballgame. Carter's team lost by only one run. The team all shared cupcakes at the end.
Needless to say I didn't have time to blog yesterday for sleep was a priority!
Opps! I forgot to mention the party favors. They were a special case filled with baseball and football cards. The company personalized them with whatever I wanted. I had it to say "Carter's 9th Birthday June 5, 2007. The ebay company was great to work with and they even gave me Carter's for free and put his favorite teams in his! We could of had all football cards but Carter doesn't care for football cards. His real passion is baseball. We had a baseball party last year and didn't want to do another.
Sunday, June 03, 2007
This afternoon I was crying for my lack of restraint with my degrading words to Cole. He really has been hurt by what I said about a month ago. While in his room I apologized and told him that parents make many mistakes. This is one mistake that I regret and am very sorry. I told him that loved him so much and don't want to hurt his feelings. I then went on to to explain that my love for him is why I am wanting to live a long, long time. To watch him grow into a man would be a delight to my heart. He was crying and said "Like when I am in college?" I told him "I hope to see you be a daddy with kids running around your legs. I would really love to see you be an old man." He said that he didn't think he would like having kids run around his legs. He will enjoy them when they are a little older. (Ok, whatever . . . that is totally a Cole response.) During this time he started to cry with me and said that he is worried that I will die before he does. I told him that it could be possible but we are praying that it doesn't happen anytime soon. I explained to him that great grandma died prior to grandma but she was 83 years old. I further went on to tell him that it is usually normal for older people to die prior to younger. We hugged, kissed and I affirmed him. He then decided to go outside and help me plant my 14 flower containers prior to family coming for Carter's birthday BBQ celebration. He loves digging. Looking for worms and grubs is a highlight. He is great with the sharpshooter shovel.
Pray for Cole's tender heart. I really made a huge mistake. The word I used is something I jokingly call myself at times and I shouldn't have used it in a passing comment to him. Pray for my words not just to Cole but to everyone. I ask that you pray for me to be humble in all I do. In words and in deed.
Starting last Sunday our family has started to memorize a verse a week. Last week it was the above verse. A great time of discussing was had at the dinner table. When it is right to overlook an insult and when it should not be overlooked? Honestly it was very difficult to come to a final conclusion. We ended up in agreement that it really depends case by case. Carter quickly said "I have been a fool." I laughed and said I am in the same boat. Unfortunately, in the past (and still now at times) it has been hard for me to overlook offenses. I sought/seek revenge. Sad but true. I am working on it.
Dave explained that the book of Proverbs are not absolute truths but rather truisms, things that are generally true. For example -
Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Pr 22:6
A christian parent can train their child the very best they could and does that guarantee he will stick to the path? No. Will most? Yes.
I am not sure why we have never taken a verse a week to memorize before now. It has proven to be such a great time of discussion. Somehow last week we even got on the subject of the mustard seed. Oh and was that good? Cole really was intrigued by how the mustard seed plant can be so large and produce so many tiny seeds. Great gospel illustration.
I also have been reading Heaven by Randy Alcorn for my personal summer devotional. This book has really been a great blessing. Very insightful. I am only on chapter seven. I suggest you read it too if you haven't. It has made me think of things that I haven't ever pondered prior to now. It even touches on the subject of animals. I haven't gotten to that chapter yet so can't tell you what it says.
Carter's 9th birthday is this Tuesday. I have been having fun planning football themed games. The party favors I ordered online from ebay will be a big hit. Remind me to tell you about them if I forget. They are a must have for any parent of a boy who loves sports and will be having a sport themed party. No sugar or cheap breakable toys. Something that is really neat and useful. They are even personalized!
Saturday, June 02, 2007
Upcoming MRI - Monday, June 11 at 10 am
Doctor Needles consult - Wednesday, June 13 - 9:45 am
It has been a good couple of weeks. Thanks to all for praying for not just me but the whole family. Continue to pray for a clear MRI scan.
much love - kate