Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Moments while in ICU

It is a shame that blogger has boring fonts to choose from.
I thought I would take the time tonight to share with you my thoughts and emotions I had while in ICU not long ago.

After many doctors came in to assess my left side situation, I think it was after the third doctor that I finally understood why they were asking me to stick out my tongue (to see if it was going straight out- which it wasn't and I thought it was.), squeeze their hands using both my hands, press down my feet onto their hands and vice versa- pulling up against pressure. While I tried so hard with my left hand to squeeze I realized it just wouldn't do what I was telling it to do. It was difficult to realize that I have never had to tell my hand to lift ,carry, etc. I remember saying to one doctor " I am telling it to move but it won't. - heart wrenching!

At that moment it felt as if my heart sank deeply into the mattress. I was in utter despair thinking I could be paralyzed. Once out of ICU and Dave went home to sleep I had a time of intense crying. I was not OK.

Thankfully I am OK today. Knowing I am going to be weak for a time. My hand is moving more and more each day. - Typing this myself tonight is proof. Although this is taking a lot of time.

Currently my most difficult task with my hand is extension-basically when fingers are outstretched It is most difficult when I grip to let my hand go to the extension mode.

I have practiced extension often throughout the day. Unfortunately the brain signals to hand have yet to understand.

When Dr. Forget came into my room sat near my feet asked how I was doing. I knew he was asking in regards to my left side. I responded that I had been sad and cried but do not blame him for he did a radical surgery- what we had asked him to do. His response was that he understood my sadness. He has such a good bedside manner. So glad he is my neurosurgeon.

We had a lazy New Years day here at the house which was good for all. After much begging,Dave took the older two boys out last night to a neighborhood party. They did not stay out too too late.

Gram helped me put Stu to bed. Her and I were a sight to behold last night while on the couch. She was snoring while Stuart was in her face trying to "talk" to her. I was reading a book with my eyes shut. Not a good way to comprehend. Huh?

Someone recently gave a book to me and wrote a note along with the following scripture. It was an encouragement Here it is for you.

I raised you up for this very purpose, that I might display my power in you and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth.
Romans 9:17

An update on the nerve medicine:It was concluded that my severe right eye pain was due to nerves. I currently take the prescribed meds 2x daily and have yet to have much pain since surgery. We (the doctors and I will continue to adjust the dosage). This is great news as the pain was an 8 on the pain scale with 10 being the highest/ most painful!

this post took me an hour to type........... aghhhhhhhhh

I have my post surgery MRI tomorrow at 9:30 am.

Thankful for lazy family days,



Anonymous said...

I just got done having a heart to heart with Gabby. She is very frustrated with school and is getting angry with God. I used you and Ramona as examples (the possitive kind). We talked about our choice of getting angry and blaming God or realizing God is incontrol and has a plan that we don't always understand. That we need to trust in him and that He promises to never leave us or forsake us. Thank you for being a great example for my kids and myself (I would have given up on posting after 15 minutes).

As always you are in our prayers!

Anonymous said...

Great scripture! Thanks for sharing it with us and for sharing your thoughts. Your perseverance is an inspiration.

Anonymous said...

as always you continue to amaze me..... keep up the great work... I have no doubt you will be 100% again - still praying for you - Danielle

Anonymous said...

Kate, I am amazed that you are taking the time to post. I am assuming it is great exercise for your hand. Thank you for keeping us updated as we pray for you and your family daily. Sarah tells us stories of how Carter and Cole chase them at recess. She told me the other day that she wanted to be careful when one of them caught her because, "he knows karate!" Then she laughed.
Happy New Year! So very thankful and rejoicing in the downgrading of the cancer and in your ability to be at home. Tabatha

Anonymous said...

Kate - I am amazed at how well you are typing! You seem to be regaining more & more strength in your left side each day. We are amazed by your story each time we read your blog & continue to keep you & your family in our prayers. It was great to see Dave & the boys at the party last night. We missed seeing you, but hope to see you out & about in the neighborhood in no time! Here is to a renewed 2008 full of faith, recovery, healing!
Dawn & George

Anonymous said...

So glad to hear your humor - talking about how you and your mom were a sight to behold last night with your little Stu trying to talk and you two sleeping. That really made me laugh:)
Hope you have a great day tomorrow. Keep your chin up.
Stacey Preusser

Gram said...

I do not apologize for my little stress relief lapses (or snoring)as Kate calls it at the very end of 2007. After all 2007 had its fair share of heavy moments.
Saying good bye to 2007 with God's Word.
Deut 1:31
The Lord your God carried you, as a man carries his son, in all the way that you went until you came to this place.
A welcome for 2008 with God Word.
Hebrews 12: 1-2
Lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus.
I will admit there are days that I sigh and think to myself. I cannot do this task. I love the key words in Hebrews. lay aside weight/run endurance/unto Jesus. As we always say in Bible Study. What does it say? What does it mean? How does it apply?
Gram gaining endurance!

Anonymous said...

I'm so proud of you, girl. You're hitting the capital letters and if it were me, I'd be still typing probably. Keep up the great work as you're inspiring us all. You are so lucky as you have a house full of men gaga over you. :) Your sons are gems!! And so is Dave. But you aren't so bad yourself. :)
Psalm 68:19:
Blesseth be the Lord who daily loadeth us with benefits.
Have a restful night. Hugs, Stacy

Shannon said...

Praise the Lord for your growing strength. We are so glad to hear of the amazing progress you're making. . . Home and moving. I always thought closing the fist would be more difficult than "extension" but as I sit here and practice opening my hand, I realize that is not the case. We continue to pray for stamina and healing, and a GREAT MRI report.
s for the hathaways

Anonymous said...

There is an amazing song by Building 429 that I think you might find amazing. It is called Singing Over Me. I wish I knew a way to send you the song!

Praying for you.

Anonymous said...

Amazing, Amazing, Amazing. I'm so happy you're home AND typing. I'll be praying for you this morning as you go to your MRI. You're probably already there by now. I'll be praying for peacefullness and an AWESOME report back and physical strength for you and Gram to make it through this morning excursion.
We Love you
The Repperts

Anonymous said...

You have no idea who I am, but I have been following your story for over a year! I feel like a stalker!!If only you knew how many people you have touched through this blog. I, too, am a mother of three young children.

Regardless of the lack of movement in your left side or how slow you type, you have encouraged me to be a better wife, mother, and daughter of God. Your story and your positive attitude have had such an impact on me. I am a Catholic (we know very little scripture!), I read your site and search the scripture in the Bible. I thank God for the gifts He has given me, you being one of them. I thank God for sending your story my way. You are such an inspiration to so many and a disciple of Christ even in your darkest of days. I pray for you and your family always. May God continue to bless you with His miracles, even small one's. I have a friend who has been fighting your same battle for two years. He was recently told they can find NO more cancer. Yes, God is good!! He grants miracles to those who are faithful.

Laura T. said...

I will be praying for you tomorrow during your MRI, as my follow-up MRI is just an hour later. Thank you for the Romans verse, I needed that. Thinking of you and praying for you daily,

Laura T.

Anonymous said...


Still praying!