I have had some friends and family members ask if the spectroscopy (MRS) performed last Friday could be at all wrong. I thought of this as well. Maybe you did, too? I put a call into Dr. Forget this morning asking "How accurate is the spectroscopy? Could it have been read wrong?" He said that it is not 100% accurate. He did mention that in his profession it is rarely wrong. Not sure his exact words but that was his point. I told him my concern of putting the wallpaper chemo tablets/wafers (gliadel) on the brain tissue when it might only be scar tissue. He said that while in surgery he wil take a sample of my brain to be biopsied ASAP to check for any signs of cancer. The pathology results will be called to the O.R. stat while they are working on my brain. They will then know whether or not to put the chemo directly on the tumor bed.
Dave did some research (to no surprise) on the accuracy of spectroscopies. The stuff he read "was remarkable at differentiating between scarring and cancer cells." He also did research pertaining to the gliadel wafers. At one time the chemical used in gliadel, BCNU or carmustine, was given by IV with some yucky side effects. Being put directly on the brain (from what he read) has minimal side effects.
It was good to leave the house today and ignore the phone. No offense to well wishers. I needed a little normalcy in my day. So it was off to good ole Trader Joes. It does the body good going there. I have always wanted to tell Schnucks grocery stores that they aren't "The friendliest stores in town". Trader Joes is! They know me by name. It's like the TV show Cheers except it isn't a bar it's a grocery store. Just ask anyone who knows me. I love to shop at grocery stores. Hate the mall but love the grocery stores. Seeing food fills me up. No pun intended.
On to the boys. Carter came home today by noon. He complained of a sore neck. It was his back that was hurting for a few days. Probably due to playing football Saturday morning at church. I obviously didn't mind going to school to see how he was. He is not one to go to the office to complain. I thought he could use some Mommy TLC since he told me prior to leaving for school that he was scared I might die with cancer. I assured him that his feeling was a real and it is ok to be scared for I love him.
Dave and I are choosing to wait to tell the boys the whole picture till after Thursdays appointment. We will have more information and be better equipped. Friday after school will most likely be the time we tell them what we know. We want them to have the weekend to digest it all with Mom, Dad and the comforts of home. We want to be able to love on them and affirm their fears. Please pray for each of their hearts. Carter wears his emotions on his sleeve. Again tonight he stated that he is afraid I me dying prior to seeing Cole, Stuart and him getting married and having kids. More was said. It is tender in my heart. I cannot express all that was said for it hurts. He is really contemplating things. Cole on the other hand takes it all in. When he asks a question you know he has been mulling it over for some time. Just recently he just started to pray again for no growth to return in Mom's brain. Pray for each of their hearts reception. Ask God to guard their hearts. Pray that Dave and I can love each one individually this weekend to fill their love tank up.
Finally pray if it is God's will for the spectroscopy reading to be wrong. It is possible. Not much but it is. Also Dave & I need wisdom as to what direction we are to take. Dr. Forget mentioned this past Monday when asked for his professional opinion what I should do "Since you are so young I would be as aggressive as possible." We will have a lot of questions for this Thursdays appointment. The word aggressive scares me.