Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Could it be wrong?

I have had some friends and family members ask if the spectroscopy (MRS) performed last Friday could be at all wrong. I thought of this as well. Maybe you did, too? I put a call into Dr. Forget this morning asking "How accurate is the spectroscopy? Could it have been read wrong?" He said that it is not 100% accurate. He did mention that in his profession it is rarely wrong. Not sure his exact words but that was his point. I told him my concern of putting the wallpaper chemo tablets/wafers (gliadel) on the brain tissue when it might only be scar tissue. He said that while in surgery he wil take a sample of my brain to be biopsied ASAP to check for any signs of cancer. The pathology results will be called to the O.R. stat while they are working on my brain. They will then know whether or not to put the chemo directly on the tumor bed.

Dave did some research (to no surprise) on the accuracy of spectroscopies. The stuff he read "was remarkable at differentiating between scarring and cancer cells." He also did research pertaining to the gliadel wafers. At one time the chemical used in gliadel, BCNU or carmustine, was given by IV with some yucky side effects. Being put directly on the brain (from what he read) has minimal side effects.

It was good to leave the house today and ignore the phone. No offense to well wishers. I needed a little normalcy in my day. So it was off to good ole Trader Joes. It does the body good going there. I have always wanted to tell Schnucks grocery stores that they aren't "The friendliest stores in town". Trader Joes is! They know me by name. It's like the TV show Cheers except it isn't a bar it's a grocery store. Just ask anyone who knows me. I love to shop at grocery stores. Hate the mall but love the grocery stores. Seeing food fills me up. No pun intended.

On to the boys. Carter came home today by noon. He complained of a sore neck. It was his back that was hurting for a few days. Probably due to playing football Saturday morning at church. I obviously didn't mind going to school to see how he was. He is not one to go to the office to complain. I thought he could use some Mommy TLC since he told me prior to leaving for school that he was scared I might die with cancer. I assured him that his feeling was a real and it is ok to be scared for I love him.

Dave and I are choosing to wait to tell the boys the whole picture till after Thursdays appointment. We will have more information and be better equipped. Friday after school will most likely be the time we tell them what we know. We want them to have the weekend to digest it all with Mom, Dad and the comforts of home. We want to be able to love on them and affirm their fears. Please pray for each of their hearts. Carter wears his emotions on his sleeve. Again tonight he stated that he is afraid I me dying prior to seeing Cole, Stuart and him getting married and having kids. More was said. It is tender in my heart. I cannot express all that was said for it hurts. He is really contemplating things. Cole on the other hand takes it all in. When he asks a question you know he has been mulling it over for some time. Just recently he just started to pray again for no growth to return in Mom's brain. Pray for each of their hearts reception. Ask God to guard their hearts. Pray that Dave and I can love each one individually this weekend to fill their love tank up.

Finally pray if it is God's will for the spectroscopy reading to be wrong. It is possible. Not much but it is. Also Dave & I need wisdom as to what direction we are to take. Dr. Forget mentioned this past Monday when asked for his professional opinion what I should do "Since you are so young I would be as aggressive as possible." We will have a lot of questions for this Thursdays appointment. The word aggressive scares me.

12 comments:

Ramona Lisa said...

Every day holds the possibility of a miracle. I am praying for a miracle for you. Love you.

JohnnyB said...

Kate -
Your faithfulness and love of God in spite of this possible setback is an encouragement to us all. We are praying for you and your family. God is so big and so wonderful, that even in this valley, His presence is clear. Our prayer is that He would continue to show Himself to you in unimaginable and comforting ways.
The Bauers'

Anonymous said...

Kate:
If another opinion/ someone else reading the MRS would put you at ease then do it- it is your right! GOD is the only one who doesn't make mistakes!! I had 5 opinions this time because the doctors were VERY wrong in the spring. I'll give you a call later today, I have to get Arwen ready for kindergarten. Praying for wisdom, peace that the right decision is made and peace for whatever you tell the boys, for guidence, love, and trust, and healing. YOU are ALL loved by many and thank you for allowing us to pray for you. Miracles do happen. Doctors and tests can be wrong. Praying for you and sending HUGS from IN!
Danielle

Kelly said...

Kate,
Praying comfort, peace, wisdom and love for you and your boys.

For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge–that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

Ephesians 3:14-21

~Kelly

Anonymous said...

I love you, my sister. You are constantly in both Steve's and My prayers.

Karen and Steve Morris

Finally a Family of Four said...

Kate,

I just read your blog and I am very disturbed by your recent news. Cancer sucks, just flat out sucks. I am here if you need any cheerleading and I am talking Rocky style cheerleading. Hang in there girlfriend, your faith and strenth is awesome!!
Renee Sattazahn

Heather said...

Kate,
I want you to know I am holding you close to my heart. I am praying for a miracle for you. I still believe in miracles. If I have learned anything from cancer it is never to let go of the faith. The science in all of this can be so overwhelming, but everlasting faith will see you through. You are such an inspiration and I know your faith will see you through.
Love,
Heather

Anonymous said...

Kate,
I have to say that I was surprised to read that the word 'aggressive' scares you. YOU, Kate? Doesn't fit with your personality. At least, in other ways I know you are a person who sees something that's broken and you fix it. You embrace life with passion, you are assertive, and you are bold in many ways--I've always loved that about you!
I can't begin to know the impact all of this has had on you. I do know that you and Dave have pursued research, information, alternate treatments, etc, and I'm so glad you have rather than just putting the blinders on and accepting the first opinion given to you.
At the risk of sounding too opinionated though, I gotta say I think you've gotta fight this thing, Kate! As aggressively/actively as your doctors are recommending. You carefully chose Drs Forget and Needles. They are not infallible, but they are the specialists/professionals God has supplied for this journey. I say trust them and forge ahead with what they believe is the best treatment option, all the while praying that God will clearly redirect your plans if He has a better way.
I may be completely wrong, but my gut says you need to get going. You've got three precious boys who need you (four, including Dave).
I SO hope I have not offended you or said something idiotic. I know you appreciate honesty, as do I, and these are the thoughts I'm thinking!
Regardless of what you decide to do, I SUPPORT YOU, Kate and will continue to pray fervently for you and your boys.
Love, Tiffani G

Especially Heather said...

Oh Kate, I am just now reading all that you have been through and am so sorry... sorry that I haven't been here and sorry that you are going through this yet again.

I will pray for you between 2-6pm my time (est). Praying for peace and for understanding... and the specifics that you requested.

Email me any time, day or night.

-H

Laura Joback said...

My old tired body's plumbing isn't as pristine as it used to be (you're welcome for sharing) and I must get up every night to visit the loo to potty...last night when I clambered back in bed, I was sleepless. I didn't allow myself to look at the clock b/c I knew I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep. Finally gave up the not-looking-at-the-clock thing around 5:23 and started praying for you, Kate. Prayed for you and your kids, your husband, your family...your mom & dad, grandpa, Julie, Jeannie, AJ, Calvin...your doctors, your appointment today, your hairline. I prayed that you would have good foot soaks when needed...did you guys know that Kate's stresses and the evil humors in her body leak out from under her toenails and drip into the bathroom sink as she perches atop the vanity and soaks her feet to de-stress? It's quite a picture to visualize... I wish the neoplastic cells would leak out from under your toenails, too...wouldn't THAT be somethin'? But any-hoo, just wanted you to know that you (practically in entirety from head [brain]) to toes was prayed over this morning. If you're gonna be sleepless, may as well be useful. I'd better sign off. I don't want to CLOG THE BLOG. Ha! Laura

Oldqueen44 said...

Many prayers for you and your family.

danielle said...

thinking and praying for you and your family.
danielle spencer