Saturday, January 13, 2007

Broken not crushed

Thanks for your sweet responses to me in regards to my hair. Yesterday was a low dip in the rollercoaster journey. Today is a new day. I was in the pit, God gave me a hand. I was in the trenches, yet a ladder is there to help me step by step. I was in the belly of a whale, yet there was a great regurgitation. I am broken, not crushed.

I think I will go ahead and cut my hair to a shorter length next Wednesday. I have always liked the stacked look. Siteman cancer resource room suggested that I should lessen the weight of my hair shaft. After a while I will probably cut it even shorter. There was a little hesitation in cutting it twice. First of all I was being frugal. I don't want to spend money on a hair cut twice in the next 2 months. Think of it as being a wise steward of our money. I normally only go every 6 months if that. The other hesitation was wondering if it would still be stylish to wear the wide headbands with shorter hair. Bandanas and hats would probably be a better choice. Some have suggested I also get it cut now so the family can adjust as well as me for the lack of hair. My hair today is coming out easily. I like to refer my loss of hair as a bundle of tumble weed. The dictionary describes hair as a slender threadlike outgrowth. I would love my body shape to be described in that manner as well. Just look under Kate for that description. ha ha ha. I will keep some hair for my scrapbook for memories.

As for the scrapbook please be sure to send your pictures to Michelle Roloff. You can email her by clicking on her name to the right of the post. She will then give you her snail mail address to send the picture her way.

Carter & Cole had their first basketball game today at 11. It is fun to have them on the same team. I have always loved basketball. Playing and coaching were great. It is a delight to watch my own boys take up this sport. Saturdays will be a highlight for the next 7+ weeks.

love - kate


Jennifer said...

Hi Kate,

I love watching my son play basketball too! And I have a wonderful hair stylist who I've seen for 11+ years. I see her every 3-4 weeks and she cuts my hair SHORT. AND she only charges $28. I don't let her wash or dry it...just a cut. She's really nice too. Let me know if you're interested.

I'm still praying for you daily. And thankful for Dave's research on healthy cancer-fighting eating. I've adopted some of it myself! You are a blessing!


The Jobacks said...

I was so disheartened to hear the sob in your voice when you called yesterday about the hair loss. Glad you got to talk to Angie about it, since she's been there--q-ball extraordinare, she was! I also think it's cute that she's mailing you all of her scarves, hats, and bandannas now that she's cancer-free and doesn't need them. Can you believe the timing that she had JUST boxed them up to put them in storage when you called about your hair loss? God is good. I'll continue to pray for encouragement for a woman's heart about this...I know it must be devasatating. But I can guaran-triple-darn-tee that if you were completely bald and put a bucket over your head that Dave would run up, take the bucket off with a flourish, and give you a BIG sloppy kiss anyway. Well, maybe not sloppy, perhaps more tender...who knows? My point: he loves you regardless. We do too, but will avoid the sloppy kisses. Holy ones, perhaps, hugging perhaps, but we'll leave the PDA (bucket or no bucket) to Dave!
The Jobacks

Ramona Lisa said...


I'm happy to cut all of my hair off right along side you--oh, I guess I already did! I must love you to cut of 9 inches!

From what I understand, it's wise to reduce the weight of your hair shaft before it gets too uncomfortable. My sweet friend, Rebecca, just went through total hair loss and regrowth. She'd be a great person to consult.

I have another song for you. It's called "Broken and Beutiful" by Mark Schultz. The title is so powerful. Not all of the lyrics apply, but you get the gist...

There’s a businessman,
there’s a widowed wife
A smiling face
with a shattered life
A teenage girl
with a choice to make
It’s crowded here in church today

And the preacher says
as the sermon ends
“Please close your eyes,
bow your heads
Is there anyone in need of prayer,
Oh Jesus wants to meet you here”
Cause we all fall short,
and we all have sinned
But when you let God’s grace
break in

It’s Beautiful, Beautiful
Come as you are
Surrender your heart
Broken and beautiful

Well he’d never been to church before
But he came today as a last resort
His world was crashing in
And he was suffocating in his sin

But tears rolled down
as hope rushed in
He closed his eyes,
raised his hands
Worshipping the God who can
Bring him back to life again

And it’s beautiful, beautiful
Come as you are
Surrender your heart
Broken and beautiful, beautiful
Come as you are
Surrender your heart
Broken and beautiful

Cause there’s nothing
more beautiful at all
Than when His sons
and daughters call, broken

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Come as you are
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Come as you are

Broken and beautiful, beautiful
Come as you are
Surrender your heart
Broken and beautiful, beautiful
Come as you are
Surrender your heart
Broken and beautiful
Come as you are
Broken and beautiful, beautiful
Come as you are
Surrender your heart

The Jobacks (Again) said...

Hope you guys are OK and have power--we've been w/o for a bit...Yuck. Mike would like to get a generator and hold down the fort here, roughin' it...I'd like to check in to the Ritz Carlton. Hmmmm. Love you and all of the boys. Hi to Soccer Gram, too!

Anonymous said...


I'd like to tell you a funny story. It does involve my sister who had total hair loss from breast cancer.

Her hair started falling out about November. I had been to her house to pick up my daughter from baby-sitting, so the two of us had seen her bald, or with a stocking cap because her head got cold in the winter. My husband and couple kids knew she had cancer and a side effect of the chemo was hair loss, BUT my then 6 yr old did not know all of this. She had a 5 yr old and did not want the details given to him, so we purposely did not tell his playmate much.
On Christmas Eve she came with a wig on. Several times during dinner she would shift it with her fingers becaused it itched. We saw her do it, but my 6 yr old must have missed it. Finally after dinner, after dessert, after the presents, it's about10:30, 11:00 she had had enough of that itchy, scratchy wig and she turned her head upside down and plop her wig landed in her hands. My 6 yr old was about 2 ft away and his eyes got as big as saucers!
"Oh," she says, "I am sorry, I guess you didn't know I didn't have any hair."
It took him a while, it was late and he was pretty tired. He just began to pray every night that her hair would grow back. I assured him that it was a good prayer, but that Aunt Cathy needing to know Jesus was more important. He has been faithful every day to pray for her salvation. Her hair is back, not as curly as before, but no grey! And she looks really cute. And my son still prays for her salvation and not her hair.
In the long run, she got used to it; it was her family that didn't see her everyday or every other day, that struggled for her.
I do want to warn you, she did say that when she went to the story without a wig, or hat or scarf, in otherwords BALD, MANY people would not speak to her and some would not even look at her.
I determined right then and there our self worth does NOT come from hair! When I see a lady out in public and I can tell she doesn't have hair, I always make a point of looking her in the eye and saying with a smile "Hello!" I want to say more, but at least I acknowledge her presence and worth with eye contact and smile!


Anonymous said...

Dear Kate,
I have spoken to you a couple of times about my son having a brain tumor also. We are now in Texas at MD Anderson and about to begin Proton Radiation. He has already finished with the chemo and he is now cancer free because of the chemotherapy. I praise God every day for the chemo that he had and the doctors that took such an intense approach with an 18 year old. Yes, he is bald. I do know that with a young man it is different than it would be than with a woman. However, be thankful that it is during the colder weather and you can wear hats and scarves. :-) There are also many shampoos and "therapies" out there for hair regrowth that you can try as well.You can ask at a local salon. My son is beginning his now that his chemo is finished although I try to tell him that with full brain radiation (along with the spine) he may continue the loss.
My heart goes out to you as a woman and a mother for what you are going through. I check your blog daily and pray for you even more often. You seem to have a very close knit family and group of friends. As I am away from mine for a period of time, I pray for your continued strength and mine.

Laura Joback said...

I'll bet you're tired of people telling you that old phrase: "Bald is beautiful." Ask a bald person...they probably don't think so. You could ask my Mike if bald-ING is beautiful...I think he would say definitively: NO! In your case, the "beautiful" was around in its entirety WAY before baldnes (even if it is partial and somewhat patchy) was even on your hairline's horizon. The BEAUTIFUL is YOU, Kate, both inside and out. Even if the outside seems a dimmer beauty to you at this time in this short-term radiation protocol, your inner beauty still shines forth BRIGHTLY, possibly even moreso than before. You really SHINE right now, my dear! No, I'm not talking about your head...I'm talking 'bout your HEART! Love you! Thinking maybe you're w/o power...Blogger out!