Monday, January 29, 2007

Go back to the way she was

Today I was tired after the radiation. After my grocery run to Whole Foods I came home and took a 1 1/2 hour nap while my sister played with Stuart. I also have had an upset stomach.

Tonight there is some redness above my right eyebrow. It is oval grid looking just like the plastic mask that is place upon me during radiation.

While reading this evening Carter was troubled by my hair loss. At night I usually tack up my hair to put on the aquaphor. A few days earlier both Cole and Carter were praying with Dave at bedtime. They asked "That mommy would get better and go back to the way she was before."
I have been crying tonight. This is an adjustment for all of us.

Pray that my redness does not worsen, the boys hearts and for my emotions. The next 9 treatments seem like an eternity away. I want to stop!

A little discouraged - Kate


Anonymous said...

Kate, we just read your concerns and feelings now, before we kneel down to pray. By the time you read this, we'll be praying for all that you ask and more. May our Lord gently lead you, a mother of young, and carry your lambs close to his heart -- Isaiah 40:11.
Diane & Jack, Joy & Joseph

Anonymous said...

Hi Kate,

I was planning on writing anyway and your latest entry is an appropriate one for my comment.

I was reviewing memory verses when I came across Isaiah 41:10 and thought of you: "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." This verse came up in discussion in my Bible study last spring. Karen K. (who was my leader then too) shared that the verse says "Do not fear for I am with you. PERIOD. NOT I am with you UNLESS _________(fill in the blank: you have cancer, you lose your job, etc.)

I will lift up your boys this week, as well as your other concerns.

Nancy V.

Anonymous said...

Kate, I'm currently reading Jan Meyers' LISTENING TO LOVE. I read something today that really struck home and that I would like to share with you during this time of discouragement. Meyers talks about the disciples and how they just could not understand what Jesus meant when he talked about his upcoming death. She refers to their being "thrust" into the situation....much as your being thrust into cancer. The power of the Holy Spirit was the only way they made it through; and even at these times "we will cry along the way." But this next part speaks such volumes to me and I hope it does to you: "And along the way, the Spirit of Christ comes . . . to comfort and cheer and whisper, over and over, that we are not alone." Lord Jesus, I pray for Kate and Dave and their boys that they will know your encouragement, that they will hear your voice again and again, that they will be assured as often as they need it of your walking alongside and carrying them. Hold them close. In your name, amen.

Anonymous said...

Hi Kate,

Isaiah must be a popular book of the Bible lately...I have been dwelling on both of the above mentioned verses lately! Especially the verse from 40:11; when I am overwhelmed as a parent in understanding Erin's needs I find great comfort in that verse.

I am praying for you, for the grace to get up each morning, take a deep breath, and soldier on through the day, and praying for your boys (all four of them!), for peace that passes understanding.

God bless you,


Anonymous said...

Hi Kate,

We will be praying for you as well as the boys. My 2nd grade class just memorized Matthew 11:28-30 last week and it made me think of you. "Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon me and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." I was explaining to my students what a wonderful promise and invitation that is. How blessed we are that we have a God who is ready to take on all our burdens no matter what they are - no stipulations. He promises REST in return. I will pray that although this is probably harder for you to go through than I could ever possibly imagine, that you will be able to give your worries and burdens to God knowing that he will help you through all this in a way that only HE can. He loves you so much, Kate, and He will see you through the next 9 treatments. You are special and precious to Him and He will be with you.

In our prayers everyday,
Amy, Rob, Griffin and Molly

Gram said...

Yes Dee Dee I know I need to go and get my gift massage sometime soon. Thanks for filling in yesterday so I could stay in Franklin County.
I'm looking forward to Great Grandpa's return sometime in the near future. And so such is the case that I was painting oil base paint in a bathroom to ready for him when he returns. I must be crazy to paint oil base paint in this artic weather. But I did and it's finished.
I too am counting down the days when radiation is finished. If I am anxious then I know Kate is much more. It seems as if November 7th (brain surgery) has been a century ago. So many up's and down's. And I enjoy reading the recent Isaiah bloggers. That is what the men and women in the Washington Bible study are doing this semester. It is good to study.
I enjoyed my three day weekend and now I am back with little guy. He has a new hair cut and he looks so very handsome. But of course I am his grandmother and I would think so. It is true I like my quiet time on the weekends. But I miss all the antic's of the three boys. Never a dull moment.What a journey this continues to be for the family.
Gram checking in

Anonymous said...

Your strength and complete dependence on the Lord have been such an inspiration to us. We continue to pray unceasingly for your family. Thank you for the privilege of lifting you up as we go to the Father. May His strength be yours as you persevere.
Blessings! -Laurie Howell

Ramona Lisa said...

Hang in there, darlin'! God will not give you more than you can handle...even though it sometimes feels overwhelming.

I know it must have hurt to hear the boys praying like that. But little do they know that through this trial, you will become an even more beautiful, fun, godly and loving mommy.

Allow yourself to grieve the changes as they come. Lay out your frustration and sadness and anger before the Lord, and you will find healing.

Don't forget, you've got two licensed professional counselors a stone's throw away, and we're always ready for a therapeutic pow-wow!

We love you and pray that God will continue to take care of every little detail. We will pray for Carter, Cole and Stuart, too.

Xs and Os, Ramona (for the Wichts)