Monday, December 10, 2007

A Downlike Day

I have had a somewhat melancholy day. I am having feelings of not wanting to do this surgery yet, I know it is the best option I have. It was said to Dave and others that if I didn't have him or the kids I am not sure I would have gone through with the surgery. The thought of possibly not being the Kate most know concerns me. I haven't had time to mention to the bloggers that it was said on Friday at my neurological baseline exam (which took almost 4 hours - my brain hurt- I like to call it "show Kate how dumb she is") that the right frontal lobe was "once considered the silent lobe. That is not the case." It controls somewhat the emotional responses (personality) in a person along with the way they organize and plan. Whew! I have been really pondering this. I am so one to organize and plan. It is what I do! I am truly between a rock and a hard place with my decisions.

I have been thinking about Jesus' death on the cross. He died out of his love for me. I am having this surgery out of my love for my family. My heart hurts tonight.

I hope to post the prayer requests tomorrow for all to pray. If you haven't already emailed Pam in regards to taking a time slot to pray be sure to do so. Her email is: (pammywatson at yahoo.com)

Thanks for standing in the gap for our family. This is a true heart ache. When answering questions over the phone for pre op yesterday the lady asked if I had any pain related to this surgery. I told her "Yes, my heart hurts." Honest truth.

Just so you know I do have some thankfulness in my heart. I am thankful for my clearance $9.99 hot pink quilted Lands End slippers. On to find pretty p.j.'s tomorrow for the hospital ....kate

11 comments:

Ramona Lisa said...

Oh, girl! Do I need to send over Wade with Oreo dental work?

Seriously, my heart goes out to you. We are praying for your heavy heart. May our good and loving God hold you tightly as you prepare for the surgery. Love you!

Kathy b said...

I have been reading your blog for about two weeks. I appreciate your honesty as you share your heart and soul. Know that many strangers are carrying your burden with you. Praise God, you are in his hands, not just the surgeons.

Anonymous said...

Kate and Dave...This is such an extremely difficult time for you and your family. I can't even imagine the rush of emotions and feelings that you are both going through. The hard part is that with the current diagnosis, you don't have many choices. You have to do the "best plan offered" and put it all into God's hands. May both of you and the boys be blessed through the upcoming "tough" days and always! Have fun PJ shopping. I know you said you tried Kohl's...what about JCP and Target?? Drive carefully in the nasty weather. You will all be in my thoughts and prayers. jen schulte

Anonymous said...

Hi Kate and Dave:
You both are on my heart as I awoke at 2:20AM. I began praying for you Kate and for Chuck and the boys and selfishly for us who are with you in this journey of LIFE. As a mother and wife and also one who has cancer, I do know what you are feeling Kate as far as doing the surgery for your family. We can only try to say comforting things and sometimes what we are feeling or fearing comes out. I do understand how hard this is for you and just knowing that maybe a part of WHO YOU ARE for your entire life could be taken from you while trying to beat this cancer and live for Dave and the boys and family and friends. I remember one of the biggest things you said last year before deciding on chemo/radiation-the decison is ultimatly yours and yours alone. We support you in whatever you decide; we selfishly want you to do whatever you can because we don't want to lose you!
I do admire you for your strength and honesty. Noone said this journey would be easy. You have done a remarkable job of allowing us into YOUR life and have made a lot of us closer to God and honestly have helped me through my journey of wrong diagnosises to the big life sentence I've been handed. Thank you for just being you Kate! Things happen for a reason-good and bad and it isn't fair. I do believe these journeys we do go through make us who we are and we have the decision what we make out of the situation. God isn't done with you yet Kate and I know I've said that before to you; God has told me you will make it through this surgery and you will be healed from this cancer; he just didn't tell me how soon or if any personable changes would occur. God has a plan for ALL of us and we don't always know at the time we are "Facing the Giant" or in the depths that we don't think we can bare anymore heartache or pain, sometimes I think God trusts us humans a little too much on what we can handle, but he is with us every step of the way and sometimes he is holding our hands, sometimes carrying us, and sometimes lifting us up, we are never alone if we believe.
I can remember the first Christmas you came with Dave (aka Chuck to us for so many years) and remembering thinking where did he find such a bubbly,loving, woman and how blessed we are to welcome you to our Indiana family.

Anonymous said...

addendum to above post as I hit the wrong button; maybe that was God's way of telling me to stop talking/typing!

May the Lord bless you and keep you always. May his face shine upon you and your loved ones and you give you peace and happiness always.
We love you all and know you are all being prayed for in this trying time. God bless!
The Cripe's

Anonymous said...

Praying that God gives you strength for this day, by His wonderful grace and for His glory! You are his child, He will never leave you (or your family) or forsake you (or your family). Praying for comfort for all who hurt. . .
Sara

Gram said...

The power of God's Word is not only life altering but life sustaining. My early morning reading yesterday from a little book called the Daily Light was from Romans 8: 37-39
"For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to seperate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus or Lord.'
Kate, just as the apostle Paul said, we are to keep our eyes on the prize of the high calling. Everything else is pale in comparison.
Gram's prayer for Dr. Forget. Great wisdom and steady hands with clear focus on Wednesday. A good night's sleep tonight. God Bless you Dr. Forget. I pray for God's hand upon you tomorrow.
Gram leaning on the everlasting arms.

Amy said...

Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your heart with us.

We've never met, but you are continually on my heart. May the Prince of Peace surround you as you prepare for this surgery. I will be praying for you...

Anonymous said...

Kate, I wish I had words for you...I have prayers...for your hurting heart, getting everything "ready" before surgery, and just lovin' on eachother.

In His Grip,
Sue Stark

Missy said...

Praying for you tonight and tomorrow.

"Let not your heart be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in me." John 14:1

Anonymous said...

Luke 9:11 But when the multitudes knew it, they followed Him; and He received them and spoke to them about the kingdom of God, and healed those who had need of healing.


Kate, God will take care of you, Dave, the boys, your family. You're not alone. And you have us, your friends! You won't change because your spirit can't be touched by surgical instruments. You will always be YOU! Stand strong. Prayers are with you and praying that Dr. Forget's mind/hands are being guided by God above. Talk soon. Blessings to all, Stacy