Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Frustrated

Today was a hard day emotionally for me. I am frustrated to the MAX! We haven't even seen the doctors yet. This "rollercoaster" is almost too much for me to handle. I want so much to get OFF!

After reading the many comments coming in from everyone, I am not worthy of the title "A Woman of Faith." I am real and these emotions are real. I am well aware that I will have good & bad days ahead in the many months to come. Please pray for my mind. I am like a tiger that doesn't want to be tamed!

MY FRUSTRATIONS:

1. My lower right back hurts.

2. I miss my autonomy (thank you to Soccer Gram & Aunt Dee Dee for doing your very best to accomodate me & others in the home).

3. It is hard to see everyone around you go about their daily business. Even though I haven't been "out" of the home to see them with their "daily" business yet. Wish I could, though.

PRAISE:

1. My "shiner" on my right eye ended up not looking as bad as I thought. Yeah!
2. Dr. Forget did a great job of hardly shaving my hair during surgery. I actually will look a little normal.
3. Dave is a GREAT husband to me during this time. So glad I have him to help with this load.
4. Our kids are really trying to adjust to the different home schedule.
5. That uplifting songs are still in my mind, during this dark time.
6. Friends around the world praying for me.
7. I can still laugh! It is almost the only thing I can do at this time. You almost have to find some humor in this all. I am tired.


thank you for understanding - kate

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Kate,

The wonder is that your good mood held out for as long as it did! I imagine I would have gotten pretty crabby a long time ago. Maybe Dr. Forget will say you can get some "out and about" time now, especially when you are feeling (relatively) good and not getting any treatment yet. If he says yes...live it up! :) :) :)

Hang in there girl,
Erika

Anonymous said...

Kate - Give yourself some slack, girlfriend. Even "women of faith" have good days and bad days. Of course I think their bad days are never quite as bad as mine (in fact I sometimes hope God isn't looking:) )... but God gave us emotions and emotions are messy.

You are going to have high highs and low lows over the coming months. God knows and you don't have to pretend you are superwoman. In fact, I have found I have often been more of a help to others when I am honest about my very human and not pretty feelings. Satan wants us to feel like everyone else is more Godly and together than we are. Don't buy into his shame! Don't feel guilty because you are frustrated or discouraged. Read some psalms - David didn't sugarcoat his emotions. The way to run yourself ragged is to try to act and feel the way you think you should be acting and feeling.

Of course you are frustrated. You are a doer and doers make lousy convalescents. I know I would be frustrated because I would want my life back and I would feel like it was hostage to my illness. You probably are feeling blessed by the outpouring of help and yet somewhat resentful that you need it. Your life is a series of questions right now, and since as women one of our top priorities is security/stability you've been "smacked upside the head", as we poetically say in our family. You can be real, Kate, and still be a Godly young woman. And if some days you want to throw the Godly young woman part out and just have a pity party, well, I doubt you'll find many people who will cast the first stone. I think it's healthy to admit, "God is good but I am having a lousy day right now and life is hard!"

I pray that you read this after having had a good night's sleep and that the sun is shining. Frankly, another day of rain and I'm going to have to find myself a sun lamp! God bless, Kate, and just be yourself - because being "Kate" is a good thing! Amelia Schultz

Anonymous said...
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aj said...

Kate,
I wanted to write something helpful,witty and maybe funny but am having writers block right now. Besides, I dont think I could come up with any better advice than the previous comment by Amelia Schulz.
Hang in there... We are praying for you.

Love
Andy

PS ask Mom what we should bring to T-Day dinner. Ive established some connections with the Burger Smokehouse family and need to know if I should try and get one of their turkeys.

Anonymous said...

Dearest Kate,
We and our church are praying for you and Dave and your family \AJ called us for prayer. We remember your visit with us when you were in your teens. You know we love you !!! Col Joe and AuntVirginia Nelson His Grace is Sufficient

Anonymous said...

Kate, I am always amazed at how calm you are. The Holy Spirit is giving you so much of what you need right now, ESPECIALLY LAUGHTER. We'll come up with the things to make you smile along with your beautiful children and your husband. It's o.k. for you to be "REAL" as you call it. To be up and down. To be sad and emotional. Just different for you. That, my darling, is FAITH. Admitting that you are human and have those real emotions and that only God is in control.

I love you and you ALL are in our prayers constantly
Love Marnie