Saturday, November 11, 2006

Why Me?

Yes, this morning I am weary! I have never been so worn out. Now I know the true meaning of weary. Whoa! Going home today brings mixed emotions / blessings to me. I look forward to lovin' on all my boys, including big daddy.

I've been asking the question, "Why me?". As you can read through the comments on this blog, I am the middle of 5 kids and a quite independent one. Never before had I contemplated "being still", that is not my temperment or personality.

As I reflect on the events of the past week, there are many things I am thankful for:

1. God, my Heavenly Father, who is taking care of all of the details.

2. My husband Dave, who has stayed by my side through the thick and thin of over 10 years of marriage, through the joys and sorrows, highs and lows, and my idiosyncracies (and you know I have a lot of them).

3. My family and friends, and their support to Dave & I during this trial.

4. Dear visitors who have been at a loss for words in the hospital (which is OK because I am having trouble processing my thoughts when people talk too fast).

5. The team of doctors caring for me - Dr. Forget, Dr. Sanders, Dr. White, and others.

6. The team of nurses that have cared for me - ICU nurses Amy & Laura, 3rd floor neuroscience nurses and staff Sue, Joanie, Phyllis, Marcie, Justin, Bob, Kelly, Victoria, and others.

7. My oldest child sitting in the hospital bed with me yesterday reading Scripture.

8. My middle child looking at me with his tender, concerned eyes and head drooped down (saying to my mind he needs a hug).

9. Emily & Grant crying with us and getting my "big boy" Dave his food.

10. Support from Wade & Ramona, including counseling support, and also for getting food for Dave.

11. Precious comments on the blog (we read each one) - please be sure to use your full name and city, state where you are from - my memory is good but not that good!

12. That I am weary but still have joy in my heart.

13. My dad coming in for a visit in the early hours of the morning with a newspaper - by the way, my dad has always been great about visiting people in the hospital with a newspaper - way to go dad!

14. That I was already working with a hemotologist (Dr. White) prior to the brain surgery - this has only been in the past month and it truly shows me that God was paving the way.

15. Ramona for bringing me cute "Hollywood" headbands - watch out CCS carpool moms, Kate is back on the minivan runway.

16. That I don't have to write a Christmas newsletter (yeah!) - that really takes a huge burden off.

17. THAT I DON'T HAVE TO TAKE ANY MORE SHOTS OF BLOOD THINNERS IN MY STOMACH - THEY REALLY STUNG! (Never before in my life had I wished that I had extra layers down there)

Much Love,

Kate

10 comments:

Kalid's Coffeehouse said...

Kaldi's sends their love...we've been checking the blog several times a day and hearing updates from Aunt Dee Dee. We are so thankful for the good news and continue to pray for a quick recovery. Hope you have a good day of settling in at home.

Anonymous said...

Dear Kate,
As I have been praying for you this a.m., Psalm 40 keeps coming to mind--specifically the first 3 verses (though the whole chapter is great). Someone quoted it earlier in the week here, but it's worth repeating: "I waited patiently for the Lord, He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. HE PUT A NEW SONG IN MY MOUTH, A HYMN OF PRAISE TO OUR GOD. MANY WILL SEE AND HEAR AND PUT THEIR TRUST IN THE LORD."
Later, it says, "Do not withhold your mercy from me, O Lord; may your love and your truth always protect me. For troubles without number surround me; my [concerns] have overtaken me, and I cannot see. They are more than the hairs of my head, and my heart fails within me. Be pleased, O Lord, to save me; O Lord, come quickly to help me....But may all who seek You rejoice and be glad in You; may those who love your salvation always say, 'The Lord be exalted!' Yet I am poor and needy; may the Lord think of me. You are my help and my deliverer; O my God, do not delay."
Kate, you are firmly, lovingly embraced in our Father's arms, and He IS your Helper.
It's exciting to know that God is putting a "new song" in your mouth, and He WILL fulfill His promises in and through your life!
You are ever-present on my mind, as is your family. I'm praying for you today, my friend.
Love, Tiffani Gibbs
(Ballwin,MO)

Martha Menner, Fenton, MO said...

Praise God, He is good all the time. Take a deep breath and know that with each it is His healing power working in and through you. You and your family are incredible witnesses of HIS WORKS. Your testimony in times of battle will bring a strength to others. God bless you and keep you. Enjoy the homecoming we will all be there in spirit and with prayers.

Anonymous said...

Kate,Dave and family-
Bill and I rejoice with you today- for being home so soon- for trusting God with everything- for your family and friends- for your witness to others- for your life!

I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want, I can do everything through HIM who gives me strength. Philippians 4:11-13

Rest in the Lord today, Kate- let others help you - praying for your contentment and strength! You are loved- In Him and for His Glory-
Jen Peskorse (Ballwin, MO)

RICK SNODGRASS said...

Kate,
I have had many times where I have gotten difficult health news so if you want to talk to someone who has experienced your feelings, please call me in Warsaw at 574-267-6542. It is normal to feel the way you do now, but this will pass. I have followed 2 rules that have worked for me through my entire life. 1. Keep your eye on where you are going, take one day at a time and do what you have to do. 2. Good prayers, good friends, good science and a positive mental attitude are hard to beat.

Love,

Uncle Rick
P O Box 184, Warsaw IN 46581
574-267-6542
rwsnodgrass@earthlink.net

Rick Snodgrass said...

Kate,

I left out a supporting family in rule 2. That comes after good prayers.

Uncle Rick

aunt dee dee said...

grandma and i made it through soccer saturdays, with the help of our neighbor friends, the Kims, who took in little stu, and a good night's rest. now that kate's path report came in and the perpetual knot-in-our-stomach feeling has been lifted, we were able to sleep fairly well. the boys had to wake us both up and out of our well deserved slumber. cole was laughing at his aunt dee dee as i put deodorant on while driving down 40, singing along to some classic marvin gaye. it reminded me when i was a kid and kate was a teenage driver, putting makeup on while steering with her knees--she became pretty talented with her knees since she had a lot of freshin' up to do before school. her old mazda pick-up truck lacked a radio, so she put a battery-operated tape deck on top of the seats, leaning against the window. whenever i hear a song from U2's Joshua Tree, i think of that truck.

the chart strategy with cole paid off last night. he didn't get out of bed after i tucked him in, so he received his first star. but now carter wants a chart, and i fully agree. because according to the law of sibling equality, if you do one thing with one child, you have to do a thing of equal importance with the other child. it is only fair. being the youngest of 5 children i know this law well.

grandma and i have been neglectful in thanking the neighbors here on the cul-de-sac. much thanks to mrs. collins and helen for the lawn maintenance. both of you are going above and beyond the call of duty. helen also made a savory pork roast that the boys enjoyed with apple sauce. and thanks again to the Kims for providing a playmate for stu, keeping him out of the cold wind while grandma and dee dee went to the soccer games. by the way, both boys lost their games, but i know for a fact that cole played his heart out--i could see it from the heated car, which is where i spent 2 quarters of the game. the remaining 2 quarters did a number on my barely insulated feet which are still thawing out as i type this.

stu's gotta go down for his nap. but to all of you who are following the homefront reports, there will be more to come later. with 3 lively boys there's also more to come.

Anonymous said...

Wanted to let you know you are all in my prayers at this difficult time. I am so grateful the doctors felt they got all the tumor and that the type of cancer is treatable. When you have time go to www.desiringgod.org and search for "Don't Waste Your Cancer" article. Dr. John Piper, our pastor in Minneapolis, wrote this just before he had prostate cancer surgery. I find it so helpful when I want to ask "why me". God has great blessings for you and I know you will bless others as you already have by your testimony. Be still and know He is God and you will come away joyful in His love and grace.
Gail

Anonymous said...

Kate, Hi! this Ashley you met me earlier I discharged you. Well I'm at your page checking it out and it is very sweet and touching. I just want to leave with saying keep your head up and keep your FAITH, that is key. As long as you have the Lord on your side you dont ever have to worry. It doesnt hurt to have that strong support from your family either.Enjoy home and live your ife to the fullest. CHAO!!!

Anonymous said...

Dear Kate & Dave,

Hi! It's Jodi. Don't think that all of this can get you out of your Christmas "news letter"! We look forward to that and pictures. It helps us to catch up and to remember!

I was glad to know that others are at a loss for words. Personally I could blabber on and on--but not is such a public forum!!!!

We are just wanting you and Dave to know that we love you both and will continue to lift you up in our prayers. I am wishing you lived closer so we could help with the day to day things--am thankful you have such a wonderful support system. That is such an important thing in life! And isn't it wonderful to know that when things get tough we not only find out how tough we are but how many people are there to support us--when we aren't feeling so tough!

I am not one to quote scripture and have been reading a wonderful novel series of the YADA YADA PRAYER GROUP-where scripture is quoted and prayed all the time. It looks as though you have surrounded yourselves with people who know the scriptures inside and out. I know that I beleive in God and that His son is indeed our Savior. In that I know that you have found your place with him and have nothing at all to fear.

As a mom my heart goes out to you in having to tell your children that your continued good health may be in question. And I too wonder why you! The Lord will give you the words and the strength that you need and will give the same to the rest of your family and friends.

I know that for myself the minute I met you I considered you a friend and have missed you in the last few years! So know that although life has changed our immediate relationship I think of you and Dave fondly and will keep you in prayer each day.

Jodi, Lauren and Clair